TRIGGER WARNING
I have posted on here before about my marriage, which I'm not happy in, but things have taken a new turn.
Long story short, my husband, over the last few years, has become more and more depressed.
He lost his dad after a long illness, his relationship with his mum has broken down because she has become very angry about it all and is taking it out on her son because he reminds her of his dad (that's a whole other thread right there).
My husband has never been particularly good around the house but now he's just lazy, he does work, but that is literally it. He doesn't wash, he doesn't eat unless I tell him to, he's massively overweight. I forced him to seek medical help because I can see him literally dying in front of me, but he had one appointment, lied about everything and refuses to go back. I work too and because of his snoring, I'm doing well to get 4 hours sleep so I'm exhausted.
So, eventually I said I was leaving, I can't cope any more. He said he would improve.
He didn't but I agreed to give him a 4 week timescale.
During those 4 weeks, I tripped over a shoe he had left in the middle of the floor and got annoyed.
He stormed out, then rang me ten minutes later, sobbing that he was useless, he wouldn't be a burden any more and he was going to kill himself.
He had gone to the exact place a friend of mine (not his) did the same a few years ago.
I tried to phone the police but couldn't get through (!!), because I couldn't get there quickly enough.
He rang straight back and said he was sorry, he had scared himself but wasn't going to do it.
He came home, we had a MASSIVE discussion about everything and I have been basically walking on eggshells since. He promised 100% to seek help. Here we are, weeks later, he is still depressed, still not doing anything, but has done nothing about getting help.
If I mention it he flies off the handle (never, ever physically, just shouting) and says it's fine now, he's not going to "do that" any more, because me and the kids are all he lives for.
I did consider getting him sectioned at one point but he is worried that any mental health issues will affect his job and he says that is the one area of his life where he feels in control and has begged me not to make him put it in record.
I have spoken in confidence to his GP but he is unable to help without his consent.
So, now I'm back to wanting to leave again, because I can't live like ut. I have looked into financial support and so on and it's perfectly possible for me to take the kids and start somewhere else.
But I am scared that if I do, he will try it again and succeed, which I would then have to live with for the rest of my life, and the kids would lose their dad because their mum couldn't handle everything.
He has no real friends to speak of, I have spoken to a few of his mates in confidence and they've said they will give him a call, but he only answers his phone to me, my mum or our daughter. He hangs up on everyone else so even if they do phone he won't answer.
I genuinely feel like I have to choose between putting up with this shit until his health eventually kills him, or getting my own life back in the hope he doesn't carry out his threat.
I just don't know what to do any more.