5 months after breakup, still struggling, low self-esteem

[Positivefuture2]

My boyfriend of 4 years ended our relationship suddenly at the end of January by telling me he'd fallen out of love with me about 2 years ago. We didn't live together. No discussion, just over. I was devastated, shocked, felt used and strung along. I cried for about 10 weeks, then got angry, started to feel a bit stronger, but the last couple of weeks I feel flat and at rock bottom again. I don't feel strong now, could cry at the drop of a hat again. We've had no contact. I've lost lost some mutual friends, which isn't helping.

I suppose what I'm asking, is this still normal after 5 months or is there something wrong with me? Secondly, I'd appreciate any tips for building up my self- esteem.

It took me about 2 years to completely get over a sudden break up with someone who I was with for 5 years. I went through all your stages time and again until I eventually stopped thinking of him at all after those years. Therapy helped me rebuild myself and getting out and about with friends and family. Its a cliche but time is the best healer. Dont try to bury your feelings or rush through any of the stages of getting over someone, Just accept its going to hurt for a while until it doesn't.

That's good to hear I'm not abnormal, although I hope it's not quite that long.

Sorry to see you are still finding this difficult. Here are a couple of books that you may find helpful:

Women who love too much
The six pillars of self esteem.

It’s totally normal to feel like you’re relapsing into the peak of heartbreak. My advice is cry cry cry and indulge it but give yourself a set time or day to do it and then live. Oh and listen to Mo Gawdat’s How to Fail podcast episode. I found it so helpful.

The best thing I did was create a project to focus on (refurbing my bathroom but could be a new pet, couch to 5k, changing your style etc) and when I felt low I’d return to the project.

Oh and do not look at his social media of course. See it as a gift to yourself to not know.

You will get through this