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Relationships

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Original poster

I want another baby :(

20 replies

colajay11 · 28/06/2021 07:50

Hi everyone,

Just after some friendly advice.

Married 6 years, and have a 6 month old baby who is my world! Fell pregnant easily and have loved the entire experience, I truly feel like I was born to do this.

Before we got married my husband and I had several discussions about the number of children we wanted. I wanted at least two, he was more keen for just one. However I specifically asked him if it was a deal breaker for him and he said no of course it wasn’t.

Fast forward 6 years, baby number one is here and I’m already broody for number two. I’d like a small age gap and would ideally want to start trying at the end of this year. Husband refuses to discuss it, tells me not to pressure him and that he has not decided that he definitely wants another one yet.

I feel I have no choice but to just not mention it again for the time being.

He knows I’m storing all baby number ones clothes away, I also told him I am not going back on birth control and he didn’t seem too worried (I just avoided pregnancy by tracking ovulation previously). And when I’ve cried and told him I want another and it scares me that he can’t say the same, he has actually told me not to worry and that he will likely feel differently one day.

I know I just want him to give me a definite ‘yes we can have another baby’ and that I am just being impatient :(

His reasons for being unsure - he doesn’t have a great relationship with his brother, and thinks that being an only child would actually have been a good thing. He thinks there are too many people on the planet and that we just don’t ‘need’ another child.

Financially we can afford it, we have a big enough house etc so no concerns there…

Any advice welcome :(

OP posts:

drpet49 · 28/06/2021 08:09

He’s told you to back off so you need to do that.

PepsiMax91 · 28/06/2021 08:16

I understand you 100%. When my eldest was 5 I started to get fairly broody but my other half was a consistent no. He did eventually change his mind swayed by the idea of a little girl.

It took 3 years before he agreed though and that was really tough time mentally for me. I think being broody plays on the mind so much more often than 'never again'.

I've no advice as really the no trumps every time. You can not force him to want one but what i will say is (we had 2 in 2 years) give him a while before you bring it back up, your baby is stil so new and fresh and your probably approaching the constant care age where they require watching 24/7 as they start to move around ect.

Speak to him near Christmas but subtle, maybe try 'i wonder what a little brother/sister would be like' more than 'i want a baby'

I Do feel for you though & and as someone who's been there it was kinda torture. I'm pleased he came round eventually. Also you don't need a small age gap its really really hard. Waiting a year or 2 may be the best thing you do

Good luck OP and congratulations on your baby

PepsiMax91 · 28/06/2021 08:20

Also, even when my partner gave me that 'yes lets have a baby' & I got my implant out I was pregnant within 2 months which was shocking to us both - more so him, who struggled to believe what we had done until the 12 week scan.

So even if you get a yes from him he may not show the same excitement as the first pregnancy.

Artesia · 28/06/2021 08:22

Agree with PP- you need to back off give him some space. If you keep pushing he will either get really fed up, or just tell you what you want to hear, then change his mind nearer the time. Your DC1 is only a few months old- you are both still adjusting to being parents, and need time and space to enjoy that, rather than racing to the next thing.

He may well change his mind in time, but it’s not fair of you to push him to give you an answer immediately just because you want it.

giletrouge · 28/06/2021 08:25

6 months would be far, far too quick for a lot of people. Can you not concentrate on the child you have for a while? I think you should back well off - and telling him that you won't go back on contraception is surely not wise or helpful?

Original poster

colajay11 · 28/06/2021 15:57

Thanks guys. I think you are all right and I’m going to have to completely back off. I just get so worried that we may never want the same things and I don’t know what that will mean for our future :(

OP posts:

2021hwg · 28/06/2021 16:01

Just give him a bit of time. Your baby is still tiny and his life is still adjusting

Treezan82 · 28/06/2021 16:12

Just be patient, your baby is only 6 months old. Enjoy them, enjoy this time. I understand you want a small age gap but it isn't just about what you want. Sounds like he will want another but not yet and that is totally fair.

Bluey18 · 28/06/2021 16:19

If my DP had wanted another baby when DD was 6 months it would have been a "I'm not talking about this right now, too stressed, too soon, my baby is still a baby I can't even think about another one" response from me. It is really soon for lots of people! As it is, we started trying when she was 18 months which still felt very soon to both of us, but we knew it might take a while and as it happened, we will have a 3 year gap which I think is lovely. I agree you need to try and park it for a little while OP, no good can come of pushing it at this stage.

Stigofthedump40 · 30/06/2021 01:10

I think it is a hormone thing as i discussed this with friends and seems we all got incredibly broody not long after a birth .. give it some time

Maggiesfarm · 30/06/2021 04:08

A three year age gap would be ideal. Start trying to conceive again when your baby is two.

I can't imagine even thinking about having another baby if I had a six month old but we are all different.

MyMabel · 30/06/2021 04:13

Your husband sounds like my DP. He only wanted one.. to be honest so did I until I had DD.

When I first mentioned having another it was an absolute deal breaker, DD had IUGR and the end of my pregnancy was quite stressful, my recovery was hard and took is toll on us all.

I asked a few times and was hit with a hard “no” so I left it for a while, then something must have switched because one day he said something along the lines of “if we ever had another baby” - that sparked the ‘do we don’t we’ conversation, ended up as ‘one day’ and then when DD was 12 months we decided to start trying for another.. she’s 18months now and I’m about ready to give it a break as I’m starting to stress about it, our house is on the market, we have a wedding to pay for I just feel like it’s not happening fir a reason.

Mentioned stopping trying until after we’re married to DP and he got quite upset and wanted to keep going and was trying to reassure me by saying we’ll do everything we can to up our chances.

How the tables have turned.. my point is, don’t feel disheartened OP, people are entitled to feel one way, then change their minds. Give it time.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/06/2021 04:13

If you don't pull yourself together and back off, your husband is going to be running in the opposite direction. Your baby is only 6 months old, ffs. Give the man some time to adjust to parenthood.

Marty13 · 30/06/2021 04:16

Everyone is different, I wanted the smallest possible age gap and started trying when my eldest was 3mo.

But this is a conversation that you really should have pushed to its conclusion when you broached the subject the first time, as this sounds very important to you. You needed to figure out then if you were on the same page about the number of kids and timeline.
Now that you're in this situation there isn't much you can do except wait.

You told him you're not on birth control so if he wants to use bc it's on him, obviously. I wouldn't bother tracking ovulation or anything. I'm always a bit at people who assume birth control has to be the woman's responsibility. He's the one who doesn't want another child so he gets to worry about it.

choli · 30/06/2021 04:30

Speak to him near Christmas but subtle, maybe try 'i wonder what a little brother/sister would be like' more than 'i want a baby'
Considering the OP has already pulled the crying and sobbing about how she wants another baby, I doubt her partner will be fooled by that.

Thatsmydaughterinthewater · 30/06/2021 04:44

Oh my god. I would have laughed him out of the house if my DH had suggested trying for another baby when my DD was six months old. I didn’t have PPD or hate motherhood, it would have been far, far too soon for me.

Roselilly36 · 30/06/2021 06:28

I knew I wanted another baby by the time DS1 was four months, DS1 was an absolute dream baby, very happy, slept well, we wanted a small gap & I was pregnant when DS1 was a year old, DS2 arrived, so two under 2 (21 mth gap) DS2 was a very different baby to DS1, very unsettled, cried day & night, and the reason we decided against a third! Good luck OP.

YarnOver · 30/06/2021 06:30

6 months is ridiculous. Enjoy the baby you have and all the special moments as they grow. Im sure many women will agree with me that even though you say you're "born to do this" being pregnant with a little one is so so much different to being pregnant with your first . It's exhausting and you can't do as much as you'd like. You'd miss out on time just being with and enjoying you're first. And the leap from one kid to two is pretty big. And all this is before the fact your DH isn't ready. Which at 6 months in is totally understandable.

Enjoy your first baby and stop pressuring and disrespecting your DH.

RaginaFalangi · 30/06/2021 07:50

You knew he may only have wanted one before you got married, if it was a deal breaker for only one child then you should've spoke up.

You can't force him and you need to back off.

You need to decide if you will resent him for the rest of your life if he only wants one or if you can move forward with the family you have.

seensome · 30/06/2021 08:06

My exh was the same but after 6 years! I said I wanted another baby make or break time, he soon came round and we had another. Don't pressure after 6 months though that is very soon, he is adjusting to parenthood and you've not experienced a toddler yet..

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