AIBU about DPs parents?

[hormonesOrAIBU]

NC for this

DP has DD6 from previous

His parents only see DD when we visit. We take her there every second Sunday.

But he's been working night shift and she's been at school, so finding the hours during the day when they're both around has been hard. We've made it work though. He's been picking her up from school and going on walks etc (about 3/4 times a week) before he has to go to work. It's been tough. We're new to life on this shift but now DD on summer hols weekday visits can start earlier it'll be easier

Well, we changed today with ex for a visit tomorrow instead. All fine there but DPs parents aren't happy and I'm now (silently) not happy with them

Today (Sunday) was assumed by them that we would be taking dd to them. It was not confirmed. Not even spoken about being a maybe in fact. Yet DP gets a call to say they're not happy they wanted to see her. He better bring her tomorrow
When tomorrow exactly is he supposed to do this? There's enough time in HIS day to have a decent visit with dd but to take her there means 45mins there, 45mins home and that eats into his limited day time with her driving instead.
And they've just phoned back to say 'now make sure it's after 4:30pm cos mums working'
He has to be in our home for 6pm to leave for work after dropping dd off. What's the point?

AIBU to think that if DPs parents want to see their granddaughter they should be making more an effort themselves? Especially since there's no definite Sunday arrangement right now
His mum drives. And yes she works but only 3 days out of 7. His dad doesn't drive and is retired and spends the day cooking and watching tv. DD is on summer hols so there's really no stopping them and I think it unreasonable to be blaming (or demanding!) that DP pick up grandparents slack right now when he's on a back to front timetable

I guess the reason I'm really asking is because I'm due our baby in October and I don't know if it's hormones or if I've jumped into mum mode suddenly but I can say for sure that when this baby is born I will not be driving back and forth an hour each way so they can see their grandchild if they don't bother their arses. I'll be bf'ing and running on little sleep. Absolutely no way.

DP needs to set the ground rules... and arrange contact with his parents..

Don't go with them.. stay at home and relax... and don't even consider it when the baby arrives.. leave them to it 🌸

well your husband needs to just state calmly that he hasn't got time to do that.
it is important that he is not manipulated or dominated by them, or else your own partnership may not survive.
having a child can bring out the very worst in in-laws if they tend to self-importance.
you seem to be complaining about them, but really they can say or demand what they like; you are not children, you don't have to jump to do their bidding, and it is a part of maturity to take the attitude that you know this.

If you've always done every other Sunday with no prior arrangement- it's just been something you've done then yes they are going to be a bit annoyed when you haven't turned up this week and you should have notified them in advance

That being said they can't demand you take her over and you should make it clear they are welcome to visit you - I would also make it clear to them that once your baby arrives there will be no set regular visits

I think everyone is being a bit thoughtless of each other.

Them for not considering his sleep pattern they phoned four times while he was sleeping but didn't call me to ask about dd. Just waited until he woke up and gave him a hard time. It was 6pm by this point.
I can't understand how they can't conclude themselves that if DP doesn't answer his phone during the day when he's working that evening that he will be in bed. His phone is always in his hand. Any missed calls are called back within 20 mins always so if he isn't answering, he's sleeping.

I agree should have been spoken about in advance. They maybe bought dd fairy cakes or something for the visit so I can see why they'd be miffed
DP and his dad talk every day but communication seems to be lacking in the important stuff. Like Sunday being cancelled for example. But they'll both happily have the 'what you been up to' ... 'nothing' conversation twice a day?

They've never visited us. They know they're more than welcome here any time but it's two years later with a baby on the way and they've still not been

Back away until they acknowledge the road goes both ways. Fair weather dgps piss me right off. Want dgc hand delivered when it suits them.

Yes degrees that's how it feels

I seem to be much more aware of things now our baby is nearly here. And maybe I'm nitpicking but I feel if it's not nipped in the bud now this ridiculous cycle of grandchildren having to go to them will repeat and I'm not having it

On Mother's Day I didn't go to DPs parents. I have my own mum and two grans to see myself so I had no time and I was battling nausea at the time too
DP was asked by his mum if I'd fallen out with her since I didn't visit??
I had to phone her and explain my day was filled so she wasn't upset any more... I mean c'mon? I can visit my family without DP with no problems

I really don't want to be the awful DiL who's slagged by in-laws for not seeing the baby
I'm sure complaints will come

Pp mentioned this may effect me and DP down the line. I hadn't thought of this until now.
When baby is here and I say no to doing the drive for whatever reason (tired/teething/anything!) I imagine saying no and him getting into a tizzy about how to explain it in the right way to them so it doesn't cause a row

My god I think I've opened a can of worms now. Maybe it won't be like that. Maybe they'll be active with this grandchild I don't know. Do they change?