Nisi, confusion, upset, why do I feel shit

[Goneanddonedit]

After an abusive marriage and moving out some time ago, with a couple of attempts at trying again I’ve finally given in and started the divorce I should have started some time ago.
Got my Nisi about a week ago.
I feel so shit. I feel like I’m still married (I am but you know what I mean) and I’m doing the rose tinted glasses thing, I’m thinking of no more family holidays, no more chatty evenings and no more “us” and I’m not feeling good about it.
I’ve had to go in hard straight away for financial orders which I didn’t want to do, but I know I have to strike first or he will do all he can to stop us having anything, but I feel so guilty over it all.
He said he didn’t want a divorce and loved me and I guess I love him in a familiar kind of way. We are an older couple (late 40s) so it’s not a good age to be alone. He will find someone quickly and I don’t know how I feel about that really.
I just feel miserable which makes me wonder if it’s right?
Is this normal?

Hold on. An abusive marriage. He will find someone quickly. He did not want the divorce.

The NISI is final and it signifies the end of the marriage. No going back.

Of course he didn't want it when you have had to sort finances out, and he was the abuser. How do you know he will find someone quickly ?

You need to get the glasses off and see the reality.

You are free from an abusive relationship. You will be fine. Be kind to yourself. The bad feeling will pass and you will be glad you did this and will come to realise you could not have done anything else.

Yes it's perfectly normal to feel upset when the nisi arrives. I have twice, and it absolutely crippled me.
But I've realised since with the help of therapy that it wasn't the loss of my actual husbands who were both abusive it was the loss of what could have been, my own dreams and expectations of happiness, the marriage not the man.
Everyone wants to be loved and have someone who cares about them and has high expectations of their marriage, but the truth is you needed this divorce because he was abusive.
Let go of your hopes and dreams for a life with him because he didn't live up to your expectations.
Instead focus on the now.

I split from my partner of 20 years last year. I sometimes miss the shared jokes we laughed at, the nights just listening to music we enjoyed or travelling to new places. I have to remind myself of the years of emotional abuse and criticism.