Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Muslim perspective needed please x

41 replies

Nadiasnails · 27/06/2021 20:22

There's a situation I'd like to ask about. My friend is a British white convert to Islam (twice divorced with a young child). I've know her for around 20 years so we understand each other quite well.
She's recently confided in me that she's fallen in love with a non-Muslim man. From what I know, he doesn't follow any religion but he's very respectful towards her being Muslim. In fairness to them, he sounds lovely and I know he treats her well.
She was married previously to 2 Arab guys who both treated her little rubbish and didn't respect her as a Muslim or as an kind of woman. This (non-Muslim) man sounds wonderful but my only concern for her is that he's not Muslim. She talks about a future with him and he doesn't pressure her to quit Islam or anything like that. In fact, he sounds very supportive - buys her halal food, encourages her to wear hijab and so on.
My friend's faith is strong but because of both traumatic marriages, she'd never marry another Muslim man.
There's no way he's open to embracing any sort of religion and she respects his position on this. He speaks well of Islam but isn't interested in adopting it.
Any advice? Please, no replies saying how "haram" the relationship is and how it's haram to fall for a non-Muslim. These kind of comments aren't helpful and I really want to support my friend.

OP posts:
Magnited · 31/12/2021 16:17

Strange that our hearts pull us in a direction that something impressed upon us speaks to us otherwise.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 31/12/2021 16:35

She either find a nice Muslim man , dating apps exist and so do nice Muslim men
Or she becomes less religious

psydrive · 31/12/2021 16:44

She likes him, he respects her and treats her well, what's the problem? The only thing I'd advise is that before they think about having kids they should have a discussion about whether they will be raised in a religion.

RantyAunty · 31/12/2021 16:45

If the only reason she converted was to marry the 1st 2 husbands, is she willing to go back to what she was before?

Maybe suggest a therapist to discuss her previous traumas with the first two.

BiscuitLover3678 · 31/12/2021 16:46

Op this is crazy, you should support your friend to do what makes her happy. Are you Muslim?

RainbowDrops91 · 31/12/2021 16:56

Weirdly enough today I finally plucked up the courage to tell my Muslim dad after 9 years that I'm married to a non Muslim man and now also pregnant, I've had to keep this all a secret for 9 years! sure enough I've had no response. I'm happy to have a direct message convo if you want x

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 31/12/2021 17:01

A quick advanced search shows the OP’s only ever posted that one thread under that username, six months ago, so she might have come to ask that question & be long gone by now.

CheshireChat · 31/12/2021 17:16

@RainbowDrops91 congrats on your relationship and the pregnancy, but this thread is a zombie so you won't get a lot of replies as most people will be answering the OP.

Hope it all goes well for you though!

RainbowDrops91 · 31/12/2021 17:30

[quote CheshireChat]@RainbowDrops91 congrats on your relationship and the pregnancy, but this thread is a zombie so you won't get a lot of replies as most people will be answering the OP.

Hope it all goes well for you though![/quote]
I was hoping I could help OP via direct message but didn't realise the thread was old lol! Woops

psydrive · 31/12/2021 17:49

Also didn't realise this thread was so old, did @Pollypocket2021 resurrect it just to tell op her friend is a bad Muslim?

Pollypocket2021 · 31/12/2021 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

LosingTheWill2 · 31/12/2021 23:02

I am uncomfortable with the pp comment about the op’s friend converting back to her previous religion. “Is she willing to go back to what she was before”?!?!
Faith in your religion is not a lifestyle choice!

CaMePlaitPas · 31/12/2021 23:05

Theologically speaking the relationship won't be accepted in the eyes of God. This is because men should provide religious guidance and support to their partner.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's experience related to her previous partners. They failed her.

Islam says to keep trying after divorce, to marry again and to have relationships in a halal way. I think this man's respect for Islam is wonderful but it wouldn't make the relationship halal.

Furthermore, Mumsnet has taught us that men can and do change after marriage, it would be such a risk to marry someone who was not of the religion and then find that he drinks alcohol, curses and doesn't respect Islam in the way she thought he did prior.

psydrive · 01/01/2022 01:21

@CaMePlaitPas

Theologically speaking the relationship won't be accepted in the eyes of God. This is because men should provide religious guidance and support to their partner.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's experience related to her previous partners. They failed her.

Islam says to keep trying after divorce, to marry again and to have relationships in a halal way. I think this man's respect for Islam is wonderful but it wouldn't make the relationship halal.

Furthermore, Mumsnet has taught us that men can and do change after marriage, it would be such a risk to marry someone who was not of the religion and then find that he drinks alcohol, curses and doesn't respect Islam in the way she thought he did prior.

Maybe OP's friend doesn't mind if he drinks alcohol or curses occasionally. Maybe her happiness is more important than theology.
Tisaxon · 01/01/2022 01:28

@AAAY

You're not going to get the Islamic perspex Ives you need on here. If ylshes a practicing Muslimah and so are you then you know the answer and what needs to be done. Speak to someone in your local community/imam etc. She herself is a revert so anything is possible.....
What on earth does this mean?
voldr · 01/01/2022 13:45

Your friend has to ask her self what's more important. Following some rules written by men a thousand years ago, or her own happiness and self worth?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page