Divorce

[Lhope12]

Hi All, first time posting because I literally don’t know what to do. Currently going though a divorce after 13 years & 1 child together. He is currently buying me out of our property, which I left around 4 weeks ago as I couldn’t take any more abuse in front of our child. At first it was quite amicable & now he just outright refuses to communicate & when we do he’s vile, sees our child as & when he feels like it. My issue is with our home, transfer of equity was supposedly going through & all of a sudden he claims “ it won’t he concluded anytime soon” my solicitor is chasing & not had a response. Has anyone ever been in this situation, this has been ongoing for around 3 months & I just feel I’m getting nowhere.

hello, hope you are okay.

My experience and from what I've learned is that abusive partners perpetuate attempted coercive control by dragging things out. Especially the signing of paperwork etc.

This is particularly difficult when 'solicitor is chasing' as of course the longer it is dragged out the more money in the end it is going to cost you and that is a worry in itself.

As well as you wanting closure.

I have been told that if the person you are dealing with is a narcissistic personality, they will not 'offer' closure.

So, emotionally and practically you need to get closure for yourself. This is easier said than done, I know.

You haven't said anything so far about going to court, perhaps you have applied.

If you have (and you could do this yourself if needed) then until you get there one thing you could do is document what your ex has told you are various stages. That way if it does come up in front of a judge you will have a diary of obstructive behaviour.

I had a similar situation which has just been resolved after a very long 2.5 years.
From my experience if he wants to drag it out, he will - and there's not a lot you can do about it. The court system is slow and when it does get to court I found the judge to be uninterested and willing to let it continue for a few more months.
He was supposed to be signing the equity over to me, then decided a few months later he didn't want to. Until you get a fixed timeline in place with the courts, he can basically do what he wants.
BBB above is correct - you need to apply to the court to get a fixed timescale of events. If your ex is difficult then your solicitor should be doing that. If your ex is abusive, to you or your child - then that's a different story - I imagine you would be looking for very different orders.
If not and you just want it settled - my advice would be do not wait around for his 'goodwill' to sign the paperwork. Organise either a Court imposed schedule or mediation (which basically sits you both in a room with a mediator who should not let him coerce you), and you come to an aided resolution.
Good luck, try not to let it get you down.

The quicker it's sorted the less it will cost in solicitor's fees ...I had a conversation with my (acrimonious) ex spelling this out and he reluctantly agreed. Of course you need your ex to be somewhat reasonable...to a large degree I think it depends if he can easily afford unnecessary costs.

It's a very stressful time, I hope your ex sees sense once the solicitor's invoices start appearing...then it becomes real rather than a game.

Good luck