Need to move out with DC - what to do?

[Stonesthrow]

Hello,

Long time mumsnetter but NC for this.

My DP has been having an affair with a woman he works with for a long time. At least three years. I found out via texts and emails about two months ago and it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together. I’ve not been emotionally invested in the relationship for a long time but it was a rough time, finally coming out on the other side and hopefully ready to build a life for DD and myself.

Problem is, stupidly I’ve been not working since DD was born and she’s now 7. I’ve done odd jobs here and there and some training in social care but don’t have any substantial employment now. DP is a teacher with ok income. He has a long term social housing contract in his name (I’m not on the contract). I obviously don’t want to live with him anymore but not sure how I can actually secure other living arrangements. I want him to be able to share DD with me (trying to keep our problems away from her and give her two stable parents with stable homes).

I have been applying for jobs in social care and I am confident I will get a full time care assistant job very soon, but pay is just over minimum wage. How the hell will I live on that with a DD, needing a home with at least one bedroom for DD? Am in London too and do not want to move DD away from school, friends etc.

Thank you for reading, any tips from other mums in same situation?

Anyone? I can’t be the only one(I really hope..) x

First thing first, register for universal credit. Even while you're still living with your ex. I did this after me and exDP split - I'm in a much cheaper part of the country and my take-home monthly pay was just £1000 - I received an additional £950 from UC for childcare, housing and general costs, which helped massively.

Register with your local council as homeless. If you have suffered a relationship breakdown you are 'homeless at home'. If you do need to leave you will be a priority case for rehousing and will have to be provided with temporary accommodation, as you have a child. I work for my local councils homeless team. The wait for a 2 bed council house/flat when homeless is still around 3-6 months but it's good to get the ball rolling.

Look up your local housing allowance and see how much UC you will get towards housing in your area, though I know private renting is crazy in London.

I take it you aren't married? If you were you would have home rights. Honestly, your options in london are nightmare. Private renting is too expensive and getting housed is impossible. You will need to make a homelessness application if you cant house yourself. Hostel accommodation is likely. Can you approach the housing association directly and see if there are any options? I doubt it though. Honestly, you are in a very difficult situation and likely to end up in hostel accommodation for a long time. I would recommend leaving London immediately for cheaper part of the country and get your economy to stump up the deposit forage private rental somewhere cheap in the Midlands and get a care job there. Hopefully, this prince of a man will pay proper maintenance so you dont struggle too much.

Thank you both so very much for the replies.

@lockdownbreakdown Not married, no. But DP on DD birth certificate. I did read I don’t have home rights. Thanks for your honest response and I will definitely look into moving although it will be tough with DD.

@PinkPurpleParade thank you so much, your reply made me feel a bit more hopeful! Cautiously... registering for UC as we speak..

Would he consider signing over his tenancy to you so your daughter doesn't suffer such a disruption? He can then get a place with the OW? Does he actually realise that he would be making his own daughter homeless with regular changes of temporary accommodation and schools? I know cheaters are selfish but is he that selfish? Getting any landlord in london to accept anyone on housing benefits is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and the wait for council property is usually years. Councils will place you in private rented outside of london though if you make a successful homelessness application. I'm so sorry OP. This is going to be tough.

@lockdownbreakdown

Thank you for your reply again, yes, we have considered this. It’s his childhood home (his mums contract he inherited) but I think you are right in that DD needs must be prioritised over that. I also want to share DD 50/50 so it’s important that we are both in stable accommodation. The OW lives private rental but I’m sure they could afford something nicer together..... thanks for your kind words. X