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Original poster

"If only I'd met you 20 years ago" type comments

15 replies

CandidaAlbicans2 · 27/06/2021 14:59

What is it with so many men who say this? I've had it quite a few times, yet it's always ones I still wouldn't be interested in even if I'd met them 20 years ago, or if they weren't so much older than me 🤨🙄 They usually say they're unhappily married too.

For example a friend said this to me, yet he's not my type now, physically (not appealing to me at all regardless of age or weight) or personality wise (I can only tolerate him in small doses) and he certainly wouldn't have been my type back then. WTF is it with these blokes?! Do they just assume that if you're friendly that you must fancy them or something? Or that if they fancy you then it surely must be mutual Confused The comment irritates me for some reason. Anyone else dislike it?

OP posts:
RickiTarr · 27/06/2021 15:05

Manipulation; Maybe it’s actually something they teach in pickup artistry (the middle aged edition). Trying to paint a narrative to trap you within.

It would make me queasy to.

RickiTarr · 27/06/2021 15:10

TOO^ Blush

thisplaceisweird · 27/06/2021 15:14

Why are you friends with them is the real question?
I don't give people like this enough time to make those sort of comments.

MadMadMadamMim · 27/06/2021 15:30

I'd laugh and say, What makes you think I'd have been interested in you? It wouldn't have done you any good if you had done and then change the subject.

xsquared · 27/06/2021 15:34

He's testing you and angling for an affair maybe.

I had a "friend" who said something along those lines, and that we'd met 7 years too late, if we were at university together then we'd be great lovers... eurgh! Envy

It is to play with your emotions and manipulate you as an early poster mentioned.

BonesJones · 27/06/2021 15:39

'Thank god you didn't, because you might have been upset at being knocked back!' said with grin.

BonnyEm · 27/06/2021 15:40

Many women say it too! To my DH! Often while I'm with him.
One woman told him she had told her friends about him Hmm

Arbadacarba · 27/06/2021 15:40

Fishing for an ego-massage/angling for an affair.

He wants you to picture him looking young and 'hot'.

lanbro · 27/06/2021 15:54

Urgh, I have a customer who's in his 70s, I'm 41. He is widowed, barely sees his own daughter, and is very kind to my dc. I 100% thought he viewed me as a kind of daughter and dc as grandchildren types as he has none - one night he texted me saying he wished he was 30 years younger, I'm a beautiful woman, etc...it's really put me off being too friendly towards him which is against my nature, and even if he was 30 years younger I wouldn't be interested at all, absolutely the opposite of what I would look for!

Original poster
CandidaAlbicans2 · 27/06/2021 16:30

Why are you friends with them is the real question? I don't give people like this enough time to make those sort of comments

@thisplaceisweird, all but one of the men who have said this sort of thing to me have been clients or random men I've met briefly in social situations. My friend who said it has a good heart beneath his BS, and I enjoy his company in small doses, so I keep in touch with him. Consequently I just ignore it when he's angling for a complement (or whatever he's doing). It's irritating though.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandidaAlbicans2 · 27/06/2021 16:38

Fishing for an ego-massage/angling for an affair
@Arbadacarba, I think you're probably right. When he "jokingly" says things like "when I've lost weight I'll be irresistible" I just ignore it and he'll then say "you're supposed to agree 😆" It's lighthearted but it's a bit sad.

He wants you to picture him looking young and 'hot'
Naked 😆🤢 Ugh, no thanks.

OP posts:
Treetops73 · 27/06/2021 16:38

I get this sometimes too @CandidaAlbicans2, from male colleagues or friends. I mostly assume that they are saying it because they feel sorry for me (I had a bit of a torrid time for a few years with my exH and am now terminally single 😬) but maybe I’m giving them too much credit and they are just saying it because they want me to say it back! Who knows.

HerBigChance · 27/06/2021 16:40

I think sometimes they're wishing away their current/recent partner and yes, angling for an affair.

Sparklfairy · 27/06/2021 16:43

I had a neighbour in his 70s say this to me. He was lovely and charming and he genuinely was only joking tbf. But he said 'ohhh if only I were 20 years younger..." as I was in my 20s I grinned and said, "and if I were 20 years older!" Grin

He is the only man I would let get away with this comment though.

ChargingBuck · 27/06/2021 16:43

@lanbro

Urgh, I have a customer who's in his 70s, I'm 41. He is widowed, barely sees his own daughter, and is very kind to my dc. I 100% thought he viewed me as a kind of daughter and dc as grandchildren types as he has none - one night he texted me saying he wished he was 30 years younger, I'm a beautiful woman, etc...it's really put me off being too friendly towards him which is against my nature, and even if he was 30 years younger I wouldn't be interested at all, absolutely the opposite of what I would look for!
Yuck!

If you need him as a customer, you could knock him back politely - but very firmly - next time he makes an inappropriate remark like this:

"I don't date customers of any age, so couldn't have accepted a date with you anyway."

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