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Original poster

Which option would you choose?

28 replies

Guccishoebox · 27/06/2021 11:37

Background: a man I had been seeing said he wanted to be with me and everything was going great, then he decided he didn’t want a relationship because I want marriage and kids and he doesn’t.
My options are to agree to a friend with benefits type arrangement knowing one day he may meet miss right and I’ll be out the picture, or end things now before that happens and I’m heartbroken.
I know the majority will vote option 2 but those who would consider option 1 can I hear your views/experiences please.

OP posts:
NotaCoolMum · 27/06/2021 11:40

I doubt you’ll get many who would tell you to go for option 1. If you have feelings for him then you will get your heart broken. He has been completely honest with you. He doesn’t want a future with you- if you agree to a FWB situation, your self esteem will PLUMMET and you’ll regret not walking away now. Don’t settle for crumbs if you want the whole cake!

Snow234 · 27/06/2021 11:41

2 I’d break away now. No point getting your heartbroken in the future. It will be hard to get over.

Lunettesloupes · 27/06/2021 11:41

‘I want marriage and kids and he doesn’t’
That tells you your answer.

GinTonicIce · 27/06/2021 11:44

The main problem for settling for one is that you won’t be emotionally available to meet anyone else so you’ll waste time when we’re a biological time bomb. Be brave. 2! :)

66babe · 27/06/2021 11:53

Don't let him devalue your worth
He was very honest with you
Move on lovely 💐

5128gap · 27/06/2021 11:55

I would probably go with option 2, but I guess it would depend on what my options outside of him were. Just as you are a stop gap for him, theres no reason he couldn't be one for you too if you fancy the arrangement on offer and manage your expectations. Also you wouldn't necessarily end up heart broken, theres every possibility you would decide he's not Mr Right either. I don't know why we always assume it's the men who will go off us, as in reality it's often them who become less desirable the better we know them!

CagneyNYPD · 27/06/2021 11:57

He has been very honest with you. Now it is time to be honest with yourself.

Funnylittlefloozie · 27/06/2021 11:59

Heartbroken now vs heartbroken in the future? Bite the bullet, love. Say goodbye to him, have a good cry, and then get on with finding a decent man who loves you and wants the same things you do.

SilverRoe · 27/06/2021 12:30

Short term pain for long term gain. You’ll
hurt either way but the sooner you get it over with the sooner you can refocus your energy on finding someone who DOES want the things you do.

SilverRoe · 27/06/2021 12:32

As for choosing option 1, people tend to only do that if they can’t or won’t accept the situation and are hoping it will change somehow.

Natty13 · 27/06/2021 12:33

And if he doesn't ever meet his Miss Right? With option 1 will you continue as FWB for all your fertile years?

As long as you are seeing him you won't be moving on and meeting someone you could have marriage and kids with. If you're ok with that then crack at it.

LuvMyBubbles · 27/06/2021 12:34

Neither.
Definitely not number 1 - you will only be heart broken in a few years time.

2 - only as a last resort but he prepared to have the child on your own.

Is there really no option 3?

Mintjulia · 27/06/2021 12:35

Option 2.

You want different things. You can have fun looking for mr right. Why waste time on someone who has said up front that he isn't interested?

Zerrin13 · 27/06/2021 12:39

No 2

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 27/06/2021 12:41

He told you he doesn't want a relationship with you and you still want to spend time with him.

How long have you known him?

But sure let him hold you back for years so you can't move on and deal with all the emotions of wondering what he's doing when he's not with you. It will NOT end well for you

Stigofthedump40 · 27/06/2021 13:35

Wait did he really say he doesnt want marriage and kids but will happily be around for FWB.. how charming! Surely you must think more of yourself than that.. if not, think how little he must think of you.. he sounds like a fuckwit

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 27/06/2021 13:47

I went for option 1 and it did end in heartbreak. I had feelings he didn’t and I'm still struggling to get over him some months later. I would definitely move on now before you get hurt. Plus like someone else said if you want marriage and kids you won't properly be looking whilst still seeing this guy and may miss out on someone else.

Mammyloveswine · 27/06/2021 21:08

He sounds like a selfish dick.. you are worth more..

Guavafish · 27/06/2021 21:13

2

user1471453601 · 27/06/2021 21:15

Your fwb option isn't really a fwb, is it?

Well, certainly not as I understand the term. I had a fwb relationship, that was just that. We were friends who sometimes had sex. No commitment except the ones that friendship demands.

You, on the other hand, want more, he wants less.

Cut your losses and go for option two

southernerer · 27/06/2021 21:17

Option 2 - short term pain for long term gain.
Raise the standards you set for your own self worth, if you don't think you're worth a proper relationship and love others will think the same and get away with it.
Reshape your thinking to a positive stance as by ending this relationship you're allowing yourself a step closer to finding someone to marry and have children with!

dudsville · 27/06/2021 21:19

What's the real draw for you when you consider option 1 OP?

Notmoresugar · 27/06/2021 21:39

It’s soul destroying.
Be very brave and the plaster off now.
Don’t waste your life like some of my friends have been doing for months/years 😔😭.

MrsMaizel · 27/06/2021 21:41

Do you think that you are going to change his mind by having sex with him ? You won't - choose 2.

seensome · 27/06/2021 22:04

Option 1 would only work if you don't have a lot of feelings and you're happy to use each other until someone better comes along, if you choose that route you would have to carry on dating yourself so you don't just focus on him. If you are falling for him don't even consider option 1 get the heartbreak over now, accept it's not meant to be and keep looking.