I’m unhappy, he’s done nothing wrong

[ChilliHeeler]

I’ve been with DP for 12 years 2DC, house with mortgage, not married. I’m just so unhappy, we have little in common, I care a lot about him but don’t think I love him the way I should. I avoid sex. I don’t see a way out, I don’t want to share the kids at weekends but don’t want to feel like this forever. I’m not sure what I’m asking here just need to put it in writing.

Can you put in words what you actually want instead of what you dont want. It might make things a little clearer for you.

I don’t think I want us to be together anymore. I want to be happy and him and the children to be happy, I feel if I achieve happiness then I will make them less happy. At least in the short term. I’m not even sure how to go about it the house is joint we have no other assets or savings. We both have debt in our own names. I earn slightly more and if full time I would earn quite a lot more than him but he does a lot of childcare currently as works more flexibly.

I felt the same. It took me 11 years to get the courage to finish with him and he moved out last year. I couldn't have put into words why I was unhappy and he did nothing wrong, it was all me. I felt guilty to begin with but now I'm just happy to be by myself. I even enjoy weekends home alone while my daughter is with my ex.

@ChilliHeeler

I want to be happy and him and the children to be happy, I feel if I achieve happiness then I will make them less happy.

This plays on my mind each day, married 10 years unhappy for 6 1 child, if we spilt up she'd be heart broken and it would be my fault

I’ve spoken to him about separation. He is finding it hard to accept, I feel bad that essentially the only reason is I don’t feel the same way. Sorting DC and house will be hard financially and emotionally. I want to stay here. I feel guilty but for the first time in a long time I feel a bit excited about the future.