We recently rekindled our marriage after 6 months apart as we were both unhappy. It has been 1 month and I can say that I am happier now than I was pre-separation.
But, I am reminded again that DH blows hot and cold. I really struggle with it as it lasts a week or so when he blows cold, often when he's busy at work. I barely spend any time with him as he works day and night during these weeks, he stays up immensely late claiming to need "down time alone" and there is no affection. I have spoken to him about it and he denies it's anything to do with work and says he's irritated "by something" but doesn't know what it is. I've asked if it's me and he says "I don't know." He really struggles to articulate his feelings, but this isn't helping our relationship problems which were largely born of communication issues. This weekend he has "tried" but it feels verg forced and he has taken to teasing me to he affectionate (he calls it flirting) but I really dislike this kind of affection.
Then some weeks, he is touchy feely affectionate and seems to make an effort. I know we all have bad days and good days and days we feel irritated, but his hot and cold behavior is very common. He hasn't come to bed until I've fallen asleep all week and has barely touched me.
Last night, I suggested watching TV in bed and massaging each other, but he wanted to stay up watching TV, drinking beer. I ended up drinking too I think an attempt to connect with him, but I didn't enjoy it and don't feel good this morning and I'm up early with young DCs.
Without having to initiate more conversation with him, how can I deal with the hot and cold behavior, to save my own sanity? I feel like I'm constantly waiting for a bit of warmth from him during these cold periods and it's not good for me.