I don’t, and in fact I have a lovely life in many ways. I don’t want to be told I’m unreasonable here, it’s about how I feel about stuff, not whether I’m right or wrong to have those feelings and what I can do going forward.
This house is actually dps: when we moved in together it made sense for me to come here as much bigger. But this may sound petty but hardly anything in it is mine. A couple of bits of things like lamps and mirrors and I’ve added small things to make life easier like bookcases and door hooks and pictures and cushions but for the most part it’s all his. His style of decor and his furniture. And just sometimes I don’t feel like it’s my home.
This is exacerbated by the fact dp works from home and has done so for well over a year now. He works in the dining room. The layout of the house is kitchen, dining room, lounge. The dining room has french doors that look out onto the garden. So if I want to sit in the garden dp is looking directly at me unless I go to the very far corner! If I sit in the lounge and chat to our baby or sing songs or the baby is shouting he can hear. It’s so so hard to explain what the issue is but I know because he isn’t out much but when he is I interact so much better with the baby, usually by playing music and singing along or reading or just chatting. So during the day I get very little downtime because of this. I get round this by being out as much as possible. It’s fine but I’m starting to resent it.
I think I’m struggling with not feeling like I have a proper home. Like I’m living in DPs home/office. And I hate that. I also know objectively there’s no issue. He certainly isn’t abusive or nasty - the opposite, he’s a good and kind man - but I am starting to feel a bit strange about it all.