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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Faithfully married, feeling unhappy and interested in others

2 replies

Apple2310 · 26/06/2021 20:11

I need some advice as I’m going out of my mind. With my now husband 14 years, married for 7 of those years. Have one child who is on the spectrum and his behaviour does sometimes put a strain on our relationship. I’ve been unhappy for a few years now. Husband is lazy round the house, lacks a romantic or considerate bone in his body. He’s always out I’m always left at home. I have recently been having thoughts and feelings for his friend. I’m 99% sure they aren’t reciprocated, he probably doesn’t even know and I’m not the type to cheat. He’s everything I wish my husband was. I think I’m just fantasising about what could be. I texted this friend (nothing bad, just a friendly chat) and I feel guilty and like a fool for even texting. I don’t know what to do. I can’t speak to my husband he’s childish and won’t react well. I come from a broken home and I don’t want that for my son. Feels like the only option is to bury my feelings and unhappiness. Am I alone, has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 26/06/2021 20:24

I think that very often the dh isn't actually broken hearted at the idea of a split. He may be embarrassed at the thought, he may worry about the disruption to his comfortable life, and concerned about money/ house etc. But if your dh isn't interested in you, goes out all the time and doesn't show any love - he won't be too sad. Certainly my dp's first reaction was "oh but how am I going to manage? You've got more money than I have!" I stopped worrying about him...

category12 · 26/06/2021 20:24

Your home is already broken > you're not exactly showing your child a happy functional family life, are you?

You're modelling unhappiness, sticking it out. The woman being ignored and skivvying for the household while the big I am man goes off and does what the fuck he likes and doesn't participate in family life or chores.

Is that really the lesson you want to teach about relationships?
Is that the kind of husband you want your son to be in future?

Parents splitting up isn't the end of the world for children if handled well.

Better to do it as amicably as possible now than wait until you do have an affair and it gets really messy.

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