Marriage in trouble

[Looley]

Please help . I have an 11 year old from a previous marriage and a 2 and a half year old . Just found out my husband has left everything in his will to his mother and children from a previous relationship. We have been married 5 years and he told me 2 years into our marriage he’d left everything to me (this was before our DC came along). So he has lied to me and left it so his wife and 2 children would have nothing . This after we were working on his anger issues and I was just getting over some pretty poor behaviour. I still love him but am in denial and shock . How can I ever trust anything he says ? He lied repeatedly about it until I forced his hand . What would you do ?

Could it be that he just hasn’t got around to changing his will? Does he have life insurance that it left to you instead?

I would stop trying to get over his "anger issues "and poor behaviour - are you talking about domestic abuse here?

I would expect him to leave something to his children from a previous relationship, but it sounds like there's far more going on here than him lying about his will.

You could probably challenge the will after his death if it really as you say, the courts would normally expect his family to be provided for unless there were exceptional circumstances (e.g. that you are wealthy on your own account). But obviously that is complicated and potentially expensive so you need to try and get it sorted now. It's not unusual for people to put off making or changing wills but if he told you he would do it three years ago and still hasn't done it then you need to push him. You should probably update yours at the same time, it's usually a good idea for couples to make wills together and when step children are involved it's particularly important to make your wishes clear.

@Looley

It sounds as though you've got bigger and more immediate fish to fry than what he's put in his will tbh.

Maybe this will be the final straw for you.

@WatieKatie he says he has life insurance, but I have yet to see it. He made a Will 3 months after our engagement to leave all to his mother and children. (He was renting a house for his mother , so he wanted to have her have somewhere to live if he died which was our family home) . He was very quick off the mark with that . Fair enough, I’d want to look after my mum in the same way . Fast forward to 2 years ago . He then bought a house for his mother , remortgaging the family home to do it (both houses were in his name) and went to make a new Will so she could live in the new house until she died but that I would eventually inherit it and everything if he died etc. But he never signed the will . He says he just forgot , but that doesn’t seem to ring true . He doesn’t forget much and can run financial rings round me . He went to make that new will and purchase when our DC was 7 months old . But as it stands my children and I get nothing not even a roof over our heads. Not just that but he has lied repeatedly about it and only came clean when I asked to speak to the solicitors directly .

@category12 yes I would expect him to leave something to his children. I even said this when he said ‘you get it all anyway’ (a lie) I said I’d rather he did leave something to them to avoid an unsightly scrap when it came to it , or leave me having to decide what was fair .

@Anothernick yes I have come to realise it could be contested as you say but who wants have to do that . I wouldn’t leave a loved one in that position . He has been through a heart op and another surgery under anaesthetic and both carried a risk , I supported him through both and all along he had a Will leaving me nothing it really hurts

OP, you know what you have to do.

Don't raise it with him again. Get your ducks in a row for a single life, just you and your children. Get proper legal advice. When you are ready, set up to go if you have to, then ask him what he's playing at.

Or not. To be honest, I wouldn't waste my breath. He's made his position clear.

You're only five years in. Be glad you found out now, rather than in twenty years' time.

Definitely get legal advice. I'm no expert, but I thought regardless of the house being in his name, surely as you're married and it's your home, he doesn't get to leave it to someone else. It's at least half yours anyway. But as I say, get to the bottom of the situation and see exactly where you stand. It's no good to say he can run rings around you financially, this is about securing yours and your DC's future and it's in your interests to get to grips with it and make sure you understand exactly who gets what and can work from there.

I would be getting my ducks in a row and then be seriously deciding whether to stay or leave. If you divorce him you'll get half of it all now and sod what he plans to leave.

I would be getting my ducks in a row. Getting financial advice as you are married on what would happen on divorce against if will stays as is and he died. And decide your options for you and your kids. I would be tempted to leave as he can't be trusted to sign or change it again and then you would get half of it all now as you are married.

Does his will pre-date your marriage?
If so, then it's invalid.

If he made it after you married, that's a problem you need to discuss.

I think you need to divorce him. What a prick.

Does his will pre-date your marriage?
If so, then it's invalid

This isn't true if the will was made "in anticipation of marriage" and OP says the will was made shortly after their engagement ... planning ahead hmmm.

Doesn't a marriage invalidate a will? You said he made this will whilst you were engaged. Therfore it is now invalid and he is intestate and upon his death his nok, you, inherit the lions share, then children, not his mum.

I think I'd be getting a divorce, that way I'd get half and he wouldn't have a say. He sounds like a nasty, devious snake in the grass.

Do you own your main residence together? If it’s owned jointly (not tenets in common) then it will come to you regardless.

Have you asked him what will happen financial to you and the children if he were to pass away? If he’s not leaning any assets to you I’d be demanding life insurance and family income benefit policies are put in place immediately.

@WatieKatie no he owns the house . I’m going to ask to see the life insurance and who the beneficiary of that is .he is now offering to sign 50% of his company shares over to me as a sign of commitment . He would put me on the deeds to the house but says that’s difficult as it is remortgaged and my name would have to go on that so I’d be responsible for the mortgage (not an option for me on my part time wages, after being a SAHM for 2 years) …

@Shitapillar I’m worried that’s what he may be underneath . I just can’t get my head around what he’s done . He says he forgot to sign the new Will but I think he just changed his mind who knows why I will never get to know. It seems so obvious to a bystander but it is really hard to know what to do when you have a little one whose whole life will be altered on the basis of my decision. I wish I had no feelings for him it would make it so much easier to see it clearly

So essentially if he were to pass away the house would go to his Mother and children from a previous relationship. What would you be expected to do then?

I wouldn’t want to be in your position.

I think you need to see a solicitor. The thing about the house sounds bullshit as well, I thought mortgage was separate to the deeds. If you're married I thought assets were all joint so it sounds really odd that he could give them all away to someone else

OP I think if he has placed other people above his own immediate family then he has shown you what he really thinks of you.

I would think very hard about staying with him now and would get advice from a solicitor

I am on PT pretty low wages and have been off on maternity leave, I am on our mortgage, it doesn't matter where the money for that comes from -it's not like the bank wants to see it coming directly from my account. Sorry but his excuse for that is utter rubbish!

Divorce and rinse the arsehole for as much as you can while you can....seriously, I would take every penny I could and enjoy doing it.

If you are married then all assets would be taken into account on divorce, the fact that the house is in his name would be irrelevant. But that wouldn't necessarily apply on death, theoretically he could leave it to his mum though you could certainly challenge that in court and you would be very likely to win.

But you need to be sure you can trust him not to cheat you financially just as you need to be sure you can trust him not to cheat you in other ways. From what you say it's not clear you can do this.