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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Guilt about neglecting exh

5 replies

starrystarrycup · 25/06/2021 15:57

My exh had an affair . By the end of our marriage , I was resentful and angry with him as he literally
Left all the household/ domestic and child rearing to me. Never involved unless it was a social Activity that didn't really involve parenting .
By the end I was repulsed by him sexually. I
Couldn't bear him Near me and he had a high libido . It was constant requests for sex . I had every excuse to avoid it . He knew I wasn't attracted to
Him. He said he could tell . He was gropy and inappropriate especially in front of children . I flinch and jump to the present day when my now boyfriend touches me unexpectedly .
We discussed his laziness and lack of interest. He never improved as a husband or father . He communicated by shouting at me and kids . An angry man who demanded respect but failed to earn it or reciprocate it .
So now I feel Guilt that I remained in a marriage with a man whom I was repulsed by and was very I attracted to.
He had his affair and left .
He adored me once . He really did . Much more so maybe than I adored him . It is a cautionary tale for future relationships for me I guess.
I am now in a relationship of a year and I am so attracted to my boyfriend . So much more in the way that I desired my husband.
I feel guilt . Why is this? Thanks

OP posts:
MaybeCrazy2 · 25/06/2021 15:59

No idea why your feeing guilty. If you was to look hard your probably don’t feel guilt, just cautious, which is normal.

starrystarrycup · 25/06/2021 16:00

He knew I felt very unattracted to him I meant to type ...

OP posts:
starrystarrycup · 25/06/2021 16:03

I guess that I allowed the dynamic for so
Long and was seething underneath it all.
If I had tried couples counselling or just insisted on him
Sharing the load , we may not have got to that point . I possibly feel guilty that I was never hugely sexually attracted to
Him once he began to fuck the entire load onto me .

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 25/06/2021 16:08

When he left all of the drudge to you it made him unattractive to you, and probably also left you too tired to actually want sex. It is his fault for not being a decent partner, not yours for losing the attraction.

Sakurami · 25/06/2021 16:35

OP please stop. Your DH made himself unattractive to you. Foreplay starts long before you get to the bedroom in the form of support, respect, closeness etc

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