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Relationships

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Original poster

He's sulking after I said no to sex

35 replies

Shcopylo · 25/06/2021 09:17

Last night, my DP tried to initiate sex. I said no and he turned over and started sulking. This morning DS started crying and DP went to make him a bottle but he then gave me the bottle and when I asked if he could feed him, he said no and just sat down and went on his phone. He normally would so i think he's still sulking.

OP posts:

IamThrough · 25/06/2021 09:40

Is this the first and only time he's behaved like this or is it an ongoing pattern of behaviour?

If it's a one off you can probably just have a chat about it to clear the air and explain to him that just because you don't want sex it doesn't give him an excuse to be grumpy.

If it's part of an ongoing pattern and your are feeling in anyway obligated or pressurised into having sex when you don't want it - then you have a bigger problem and need to consider your options for leaving.

There are literally hundreds of threads about this on here so you know this isn't right. I hope that its the former and a one off.

Opentooffers · 25/06/2021 09:52

Sheesh! Sounds like you are headed for a bargaining type of relationship. Where he does for his DS what any father should do spontaneously, but sees it as 'helping' you, so in return you should concede to his sexual requests.
The up side, he will likely be happy to do all manor of jobs and even buy you gifts as long as he's kept happy in the bedroom. The downside, this is all manor of wrong and to do that would eat at many people's self esteem, though some relationships do function on those terms ( they have to be with women who also have a 'keep them sweet' bargaining mentality).
Sounds like your DS is still quite young, so it's not surprising that you are less up for it - touched out from baby, knackered, many good reasons.
You could try to have an adult conversation, where you explain that he's not the reason you turned it down, and that you care for him as much as ever. He may feel a bit pushed out generally as some men do when a baby comes along - sad, but none the less true. Try to maintain as much affection and consideration for each other in general life, as you were before baby came along, it's easy to slip into neglecting each other throughout the day when both are focused on baby. Sometimes men equate being not interested in sex, as being not interested in them, insecure souls, sex can be their affirmation.
How he's responded isn't great, best chance to nip it in the bud though is by honest discussion and finding a way through so it doesn't snowball.

QueenBee52 · 26/06/2021 02:44

2 can play that game 🤔

PiersPlowman · 26/06/2021 02:56

How did you say “no”? Slam the door in his face? Or did you give him a kiss and rub his shoulders for a bit after you said no.

RubyGoat · 26/06/2021 03:05

So you're not even allowed to refuse sex now? Does he realise what the implications of this are - he's controlling you sexually, & you will now worry about saying no next time in case he throws another paddy? Are you just there to service him like some kind of sex doll?

This is tantamount to coercive control. He needs to grow up ASAP, or you need to decide whether you want to be with him. My ex started like this. It got much, much worse except we didn't have a baby, thank goodness.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/06/2021 03:06

@PiersPlowman

How did you say “no”? Slam the door in his face? Or did you give him a kiss and rub his shoulders for a bit after you said no.

I'm going to guess neither because they're both weird.

PiersPlowman · 26/06/2021 03:12

@MrsTerryPratchett

Well, I did not want to be the one to say it! Perhaps the children should consider divorcing the parents?

QueenBee52 · 26/06/2021 03:19

@PiersPlowman

How did you say “no”? Slam the door in his face? Or did you give him a kiss and rub his shoulders for a bit after you said no.

🤔

NiceGerbil · 26/06/2021 04:03

What s dick.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 26/06/2021 04:56

Sulking is so attractive, I'll bet you were gagging for it looking at his sullen expression. Tell him to grow the fuck up and start behaving like a man.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 26/06/2021 05:47

@PiersPlowman

How did you say “no”? Slam the door in his face? Or did you give him a kiss and rub his shoulders for a bit after you said no.

What? What???

Tiramiwho · 26/06/2021 05:52

@PiersPlowman

How did you say “no”? Slam the door in his face? Or did you give him a kiss and rub his shoulders for a bit after you said no.

Glad it's not just me who thinks this is just bizarre

Goawaymuppet · 26/06/2021 05:54

Nothing as sexy as a sulking man.

Inthesameboatatmo · 26/06/2021 06:20

What a twat, does he do this much op ?

HangingOver · 26/06/2021 06:28

Picturing someone getting out of bed specifically to slam the door to make a point...

Choice4567 · 26/06/2021 06:35

@PiersPlowman your second comment doesn’t even make any sense?!! Any chance you’re going to explain?

Thehenbunringsock · 26/06/2021 06:55

When I don't want to have sex I usually just say "nah"

Why would I rub his shoulders?

Kittykat93 · 26/06/2021 07:09

Give him a kiss and rub his shoulders for a bit?? You have to be joking. OP is entitled to say no to sex without having to substitute it for a massage ffs

Shoxfordian · 26/06/2021 07:48

He’s a knob
Don’t put up with this shit
Ltb

Unanananana · 26/06/2021 07:56

Eww! Why would you want to have sex with a sulker?

'Give me unfettered access to your vagina and I'll feed our son his bottle'.

Fucking grim. Are you happy with that being how he sees you?

Fireflygal · 26/06/2021 09:04

How someone reacts to No is very telling. You are entitled to say No to sex or anything else ..it shouldn't mean you are punished and withholding cooperation when caring for a baby is punishing behaviour.

If it's the first time then try a conversation first. It could have an impact but if this is a pattern then you maybe in a relationship where your partner has a sense of entitlement and seeks to exercise control.

How long have you been together? What was his childhood like? Unfortunately behaviour often changes after a baby arrives as the woman is more vulnerable due to finances so abusive men see it as an opportunity to seek power and control.

updownroundandround · 26/06/2021 09:21

@PiersPlowman

You're either a 1950's housewife, or a 'man'.

Seriously deluded in either case !

Awww, did Diddums need his shoulders rubbed and a kiss, just because he didn't get sex ????

WTAF kind of person thinks it's OK to bloody 'sulk' and refuse to parent his child because he didn't 'get his end away' ?? If he was any kind of a descent H, he'd have seen that his DW was bloody shattered, and not need to be told she was too tired in the first place !!!! He'd have been offering to rub HER bloody shoulders !!

updownroundandround · 26/06/2021 09:38

@PiersPlowman

The opinions of Mums Nutters is irrelevant!

I've had a look at some of your PP's , this is what you think of us then, isn't it ??

You're only on MN to 'stir the shit', you actually have no other 'interest' in the troubles of others, do you ????

And certainly no problem with telling them what you think about their loose or lacking 'morals' etc

Or how 'society' should't be 'accepting' of women with children to 'different fathers' (but without one word of acknowledgement about how these women were 'abandoned' or 'abused' by the aforementioned 'fathers')

Away back to 1950, and leave the rest of us in peace. Twit.

Here, I've even made you a cup of tea and some cake, so I've 'said it nicely'

PiersPlowman · 26/06/2021 10:12

@updownroundandround

Actually, it was you I had in mind when I wrote that post, but you know, it’s not nice to name names!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/06/2021 10:28

[quote PiersPlowman]@updownroundandround

Actually, it was you I had in mind when I wrote that post, but you know, it’s not nice to name names![/quote]
What a cringe attempt at a comeback! Embarrassed for you!

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