Child maintenance service

[iamtheoneandonlyyy]

I can't decide whether this is the way to go or not.
Ex was paying slightly less than the calculator recommended for 3 kids. He's decided to reduce it now so he has more money to use at the pub basically. It's all control with him, he wants me to worry.
He's the type to put himself out of work rather than pay for his children
(I'm being to the point rather than going on about the history)
Anyway I know the flat rate is 7 pounds a week if he's in benefits so that would be bad but is it just best all round if I go down the official route anyway and then when he is eventuworking full time they will get him? Or is it wasted effort?
They were useless with my father but that was a long time ago.
My kids dad is an abusive controlling bullying nasty piece of work.
I can't work out whether to hope week to week he feels like being kind or just go this way. I'm sick of the stress but obviously need all the help I can get

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I cancelled mine as quite frankly £7 a week was an insult, up to you if you think it’s worth claiming or not

My reasoning is that I have at least 14/15 years of this ahead and at some point he will likely be working again.
I do however know that the debt he accrued for his daughter was written off (I was told he paid it was a lie) he's an expert at dodging, diving, using false names and addresses
I'm confused

If you think he will be working again then it’s worth putting in a claim. (my ex was on PIP disability benefit so no chance of that.)

It's a tricky one!

So just now you get more than £7 but less than he should be paying.

If you try and get more via CMS he might just stop working to avoid paying it and you'll be worse off.

Does he not realise this money is to feed & clothe his own kids? It sounds like he grudges giving it to you like he's doing you soem kind of favour.

What an absolute d!ckhead!!!

I would put in the claims trying to live off UC just to spite his kids, won't last long, and when he inevitably starts work again then you'll be able to claim.

He was working full time and paying slightly less than the minimum, it was my idea so that it seemed achievable to him.
However he's gone through the nice part of his cycle and out of the need to make my life hard decided to slash it in half. And pay it randomly.
He has no care for paying for the kids or if he does it's outweighed by the need to get at me.
He's very much Facebook dad #myworld
#blessed and all that
He's got baby number 6 on the way and staying with his girlfriends mum while they wait for a council house.
There's a whole lot to the story but I can promise this, I would never have had even one child with him if there had been a hint of what he's really like.
Even today I'm getting post through the door with one of his many aliases I'm finding out about

I went through CMS. And ex predictably gave up work.

But when he went back to PAYE work they set up an attachment of earning s and he has to pay admin fees on top of the payment I receive. He tried to tell CMS he’d pay me directly but I told them I was happy for them to collect (they also deduct and amount from what I get for admin) I’d rather they collect then having to chase him and the stress.

I’d far rather hand it over to CMS and ring them once an ting to check on progress than engage on ex who was abusive and uses CM as means to maintain control. I took the control off him. If he wants to work cash in hand to avoid it that’s his choice. I know he earns far less working cash in hand so he has to go back to work as he is utterly rabid about money.

These are my thoughts at this point. The weekly drama with him is like giving a kid free reign in a sweet shop. Plus he really thinks I won't do it.
I'm wondering if it's short term stress sorting it and then hopefully long term it will be worth it

No way would I give up, no way. I havnt received any child maintenance for about a year, but my ex is self employed. He owes thousands in child maintenance. (he owed money before this).
I leave it to child maintenance and really give it little thought. I am not hopeful that I will receive any money any time soon but I won't let him of the hook by closing the case.
What he does to avoid paying anything is up to him.
Best advise I can give is to avoid "needing the money". I know it's hard.

I’ve been getting the minimum (from his benefits) for 16 years. Once I put a claim in, he never worked again. (Except cash in hand).

God what a prick he is. Do these men not care at all about how their children will view them once they’re old enough to see it for themselves? I’d claim, at least that way you don’t have to keep chasing him, wondering etc. It takes some of the control back.

I think I might have this scenario with my ex, he wants me to keep quiet about why we split up (he was having an affair with a colleague) and has threatened to give up his job if I tell anyone. He does pay maintenance just now but he thinks it will leave me in the shit if he doesn’t pay it (it wont). I will just put it onto the CMS and let them chase him if need be.

I don’t really understand why people would give up their job I mean do they not went to get on in life and the need money to do this, what if they want to buy a house or a car etc 🤷🏻‍♀️. My ex is very money orientated so I think he is bluffing if he says he is giving up his job, and if he does he will just get another one elsewhere. I don’t think he realises the CMS can go through HMRC.

Lots of them work cash in hand that’s how they get out of it

He sees only as far as today. He doesn't give a toss for his future or the kids and his mum backs him up to the hilt and bails him out.
It's a genuine waking nightmare.
He's guilty of financial abuse and leaving me to having bailiffs at the door (they've actually been understanding) and he doesn't care one bit.
New clothes, tattoos, toupee. Kids naturally think he's great at the moment.
It's a bad situation for anyone going through similar, I sympathise and hope one day you all come out winning 🏆

If he has been abusive to you then you can ask for collect and pay which means they take the money directly from him.

How many of his other children are still needing supported? Any maintenance is split between them all.

I had a horrible time with CMS, only getting action when I involved my MP. I would be prepared to receive nothing for a while and also know he can job hop meaning a delay in HMRC catching up with him and keep ignoring letters to delay. You will need to keep chasing the CMS to make sure they are doing their job, if you can convince them to put a deduction of earnings order in place it makes it a lot easier but it normally takes a lot of time to do that.

I have had minimum payment £7 a week , was £5 under csa for about £12 years. I collect it on principal. I work , pay for my son and take comfort from the fact he lives in a lower income rather than provide for my ds

His previous children are adults now.
I've decided to call I think. He will be shocked but he can't be allowed to carry on

Should be like the USA, they can take cars and property and then jail if they don't pay. Regardless of employment. 'You made em, you pay for em' as Judge Judy would say

I’d always say it’s better to claim whatever you can than not, even £7 a week is £364 per year. Go buy some shares, if you don’t need that money for day to day living expenses. In 15 years that could be enough to go towards a car or driving lessons.

I gave up with CMS, although we do have a case open, he earns far more than he declares. And it’s down to me to prove his lifestyle doesn’t match his income.

Now this may not work for you, but I found I could shame ex into contributing for dc by providing for them adequately without him. It took the power away from him completely and reduced all the resentment.

He now pays the minimum CM he can get away with, then pays for one holiday activity for dc direct. He’s in no way paying 50/50 for dc, but I know that me out earning him within 3 years of the split pisses him off far more than his lack of contributing affects me and dc.

I have just closed my case with CMS for gs. It really is a nightmare, particularly when they go self employed. CMS was sold as the organisation to close this loophole but it isnt.

I have been through all the stages, direct pay, collect and pay, arrears team, enforcement, court liability order and bailiff action. It still ended up with him paying himself the £190 pw or so that knocks out child support payments. I was with the Fraud team by then and I asked him to try and get a lump sum (thousands owed) and I would write some off and close the case. Two weeks of conversations go by and he agrees a payment. I took it simply to avoid the uncertainty and stress. I have been told things are worse at CMS - phones not answered for ages, forcing users to use the portal and getting generic responses.

That said even though it was awful, I would have got nothing at all otherwise. Try to bear this in mind. Do open a case. Mine just used every trick in the book even transferring ownership of his home! Good luck and remember he has a legal duty to pay for his children,

Sending you strength to do and get through this! xx
My exH tried to punish me by avoiding paying cms. The years go by and our dd has a clear idea now that she and I really struggled at times.
She does not make much effort with him now.