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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage Break Down

5 replies

GardeningDad · 24/06/2021 23:53

To start off with, I’m lost. Completely lost and I just don’t know what to do.

We’ve got a DD (8weeks) and another who is 3.5 years old. After our first we had the usual stress and tough time we all have but got through it, and we have the same again - in terms of strained relationship but it’s more than that, in my heart of hearts I know our marriage is over. We’ve been together 17 years and married for 5 and it’s over.

Our relationship hasn’t been good for a long time, perhaps even before our first daughter was born but we muddled through and decided to have another baby. However, I can’t live in this marriage anymore, it’s miserable, all we do is argue (and it’s all we did before our new baby), we aren’t able to communicate properly and any element of spark has completely gone. The trouble is that after so long together our whole lives are intertwined, all the same friends, family are all connected now and I just can’t see the other side. I realise that we can’t carry on as we are, our bitterness and argument is rubbing off on our eldest and it’s compete unfair for our new baby too.

How on Earth do we get through this? I’m at my wits end and the only thing keeping me in this house are my amazing daughters, they’re the best thing in my life and I couldn’t live without them.

I realise this is a long ramble but I just dont know what to do or how to deal with this mess

OP posts:
chillibeansauce · 25/06/2021 00:21

It sounds like it's over ? You need to talk to a solicitor. However, if you feel there is the slightest chance you can work it out then maybe couples therapy ? I'd book the solicitor (i am happily separated)

Doona · 25/06/2021 00:34

Get therapy. Even if it's over, you'll need to coparent, and that requires good communication too. I know it's a big drama getting the time and someone to mind the kids, but you should do it.

Doona · 25/06/2021 00:35

Couples, relationship therapy I mean

PurpleSneakers · 25/06/2021 08:18

Get relationship counselling. While it may be over, most relationships take a u-shaped turn after the birth of a child. Even if it is effectively over, you have given it your best shot.

Fireflygal · 25/06/2021 09:06

What are the arguments about? Separation is an option but you have such a young baby that I would caution against radical change at this time.

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