Break up... sent needy messages ... ugh

[Beeleave]

Had a break up recently after a year. Done by text, no proper explanation just a really out of the blue it's not working.

Tried to be dignified but caved after wine and a few days saying I miss him and asking for a conversation to just explain what's happened.... he said no and it went back and forth.

So SO embarrassed now, wish I had kept silent and dignified. Will see him in local area and UGH it's just painful

What do I do? Breezy hello like I don't care. Blank him?

You’ve done nothing wrong in my opinion. After a year the absolute least you deserve is an explanation. Don’t let his behaviour make you feel crap. His behaviour drove you to your actions. Ignore him and watch him try to crawl back in a couple of months.

CAn you just text saying, I was pissed, I'm an idiot, ignore my daft messages? Just front it up?

But yes also what the PP said, you don't owe him anything either!

That's cowardly of him to dump by text and not have any closure over this. What was the relationship itself like? He's hiding something.

Thank you! In my head I still think I was reasonable asking for an explanation ( the missing him bit I should have left out) but the response I got from him is such an about face. I won't message him again, but just cringing about how to deal with the inevitable bumping into each other.

Hello xx avoid for a bit. For a few weeks. It will settle down. And yes he should have explained a bit. You are not wrong xx

The rapid turn around in feelings makes me think there may be someone else... I am not naive. It was a big deal for me to get into this relationship as first since my partner died, which he knows.

I am ok, after other losses this is perfectly surmountable but am mad at myself for showing vulnerability and him thinking now that I am pining. I thought he was wonderful but this shows he isn't.

Personally I think what's undignified for asking for an explanation, it was a year, not 6 weeks. He is an idiot. I would ignore, not breezy hello. I hope you're not too upset.

Sorry, just saw your follow up, sorry for your previous loss, and he is even more of a dick.

If you bump into him don’t feel embarrassed. YOU have not done anything wrong. He’s the one that has been cruel, cold and rude. Keep that in your head. If he says anything just reply that it’s ok, you’ve got the message. And that he’s been as cold, rude and pathetic as he could be in delivering it. If anyone is looking down at the other person it should be you.

There’s nothing he can say that will make you feel better so I wouldn’t contact him again. I would also blank him if I saw him in public because he should have broken up with you face to face with an explanation after being together for a year. He’s a coward and he’s been disrespectful of your feelings.

Thank you all. Just have felt very hurt by the rapid about face, but then realised part of the hurt is 'How could he do this when he knows what has happened before?' So not really about him... I am in my 40's and I think quite resilient, so although self esteem is dented I know I will be perfectly fine.

It's just the social awkwardness that's making me stress, to the point I am avoiding places where I might see him

You might not bump into him but if you i would just not look at him and carry on as if you haven't noticed him.

Don't feel embarrassed, he should be the embarrassed one! He dumped you by text then refused to talk to you about it. He is 100% a scumbag.

Being confused, missing him and wanting to know what happened are all perfectly normal emotions when the person you love drops you like a stone. It would be weird if you didn't feel those things. You are a human being with human feelings.

As I get older I'm honestly starting to think that a woman staying aloof and silent after a break up is something men have really promoted as it means they won't be called on their shit. They can treat someone badly then just slope off with no difficult questions or upset ex girlfriend making them (rightly!) feel guilty. Well fuck that. He is a terrible, amoral person and you did the right thing to question him.

If you run into him around town coldly turn away from him, with a face almost like you're smelling something bad. Remember; you are a queen and he is a weasel. Queens don't associate with weasels.

30 years ago, long before the advent of mobile phones, I had this happen to me... he'd gone back to his home country (Netherlands) for a week, we'd arranged before he left to meet in a pub in town the night he got back...and he didn't show.

Stupidly I waited until closing time (I didn't have his home number with me - he'd just moved to a new flat - so I couldn't ring him) ...I honestly couldn't believe he had stood me up. We'd been seeing each other for about 9 months at that point. Next day I ring his work landline (he was the Managing Director) to find out what the fuck had happened. Only to be coldly told that he didn't want to see me anymore. I was too shocked to really say much, didn't want to get into a argument when he was at work. Went out with friends that night...a few too many drinks, I ring him at home, trying to get more of an explanation...it wasn't pretty. I can still remember standing by the pay phone in the bar, basically begging the git to tell me why. Ugh. Never got an apology from him for standing me up, either...

I saw him in town once after that, he tried to say hello to me...I just looked right through him as if he was invisible. Thankfully his office got closed not long afterwards and he fucked off back to his home country.

You've done nothing wrong. Dignified silence is all well and good but it is not normal to drop someone with no real explanation after a year especially knowing they are grieving their previous partner hence the natural reaction is to want to understand what has happened. This guy has behaved like a scrote. Hold your head up high. If you see him, look straight through him.

The general advice is to go radio silence and get on with your life. Make plans, get back to your hobbies. Gain back control of your life.

I am also a young widow. You might find it useful to join the charity WAY widowed and young. There is s strong Facebook presence with local meetups and also a non affiliated dating advice page x

I would just tell the truth, if anyone has found out own up, yes I was pissed and doing a Bridget Jones, but let's face it I've been through worse.

If you see him, I would just shrug,say yeah pissed texts but hey I've survived much worse.

Then it's out in the open, people can do with it what they want.

Until this time happens forget about it.