My husband of 10 years is emotionally abusive - I suppose the signs were always there before we had our first baby 2 years ago, but that really brought all the problems to the surface (I have been told by SAFE/solicitors that I have been in a DV relationship, this isn't my own conclusion).
He is verbally abusive to me but more worryingly he is abusive both about and to my son, who is 2. He cannot cope with any amount of stress that comes from being a parent (sleep problems/teething/illness/tantrums). This has been going on since my son was about 2 weeks old. He even angrily swore at him several times when he was a newborn.
I know I should have left him a long time ago and I have broken away a few times but he promised things would change and would have therapy for anger management which lasted just a few months. We also partook in couples therapy but that stopped, he also used to ask me before we went in not to mention some of the stuff that had happened because he didn't want the therapist to know (I was also concerned about sharing some of it due to safeguarding issues). These things included putting his hand across my sons mouth and shouting when he was crying to silence him, another time when I was 8 months pregnant with our second (accidental pregnancy) I had asked him to be home one evening to watch our son so I could go out for a meal with my friends. He made plans after he had agreed to help which involved a lot of drinking in the afternoon but promised me he wouldn’t drink too much and would be home on time for me to go out (something I rarely did). In the end he got back extremely drunk and was late so I was late. I should never have gone but he assured me he was ok. When I got home there were cigarettes and booze everywhere and he was passed out. We didn’t have any of these things in the house before I went to my meal, on further investigation I could see he had drunk driven to the shop to get these things and left our 17mo in the house asleep upstairs whilst doing so. I felt sick to my stomach. He was more upset about the fact he could have got caught for drink driving, not about the fact he left our baby by himself upstairs in an unlocked house, which could have set on fire and no one would have known, he could have got arrested and the police wouldn’t have even known a baby was home alone when he was in the station. He also told me he had got into trouble with the police earlier on that afternoon in town for being so drunk. He said he’d seek help from AA but contacted them once then didn’t bother again. There have been so many incidents, I know I need to leave for good. I get drawn back in so easily but my son is showing severe signs of anxiety 😥 I have always been a kind, compassionate people pleaser - I just cannot fathom how I managed to fall for this man and choose him to have our beautiful children with who deserve so much better.
Has anyone else survived this kind of relationship and come through the other side? Did you find that there was much emotional/financial support for you when you broke away? My husband is the higher earner and I’m worried that as a single parent I won’t have enough money to look after the children properly including having a roof to put over their heads. It’s so scary. I just can’t imagine having the two babes all the time with no help and no money. I also know it will get Nasty when I say I don't want him to have the kids overnight (I wouldn't relax he gets so angry with their sleep). I have broken away once again as last night he said he was sick of having f-ing kids and that it was my sons fault that this family was falling apart but after a few days he goes on about how much he misses his kids and I've taken them away?! I can’t bear the thought of my son turning into that monster or my daughter thinking this is the way marriage and family life is meant to be :(