What was the final straw which made you end relationship

[sausagesandbeans77]

When were you done?
What was the light bulb moment?

Why are you asking?

He went away for a long weekend with a friend who I knew he was shagging and the relief of not having to put up with his presence for 4 days had me literally dancing around the house.

People might be suspicious of a brand new poster with no explanation attached to the question. It might help to give more context op…

He almost left me before but changed his mind and I am finding it difficult to forget that time so just interested in other stories etc as to how much other people will put up with.

When he kicked the cat. He had been physical towards me at least twice then when he kicked my cat I was Done.

Maybe you don’t need to know what the final straw was but what it was like just before people realised they needed to leave.

My ex was clearly horrible to me a lot of the time before we split up (looking back) but it wasn’t until he slapped me that I properly saw it.

I image @sausagesandbeans77

since we are all individuals the final straw to end a relationship will differ from person to person

1. Minor disagreements or blazing rows daily

1. Lazy ( a bit lazy/a lot lazy)

1. Cheating once/twice/multiple times (some people put up with several goes at this one)

1. Domestic violence (once or daily or for years until almost beaten to a pulp and still don't leave)

1. Financial abuse/emotional abuse a bit or a lot

1. Years of boredom or a few months of boredom and failure to change

We all have different standards/tolerance/what we will and will not accept in a relationship

I wasn’t that keen on her new boyfriend.

He was genuinely horrible to me over a few years he said he was going to dump me I begged him not to as he had made me believe no one would want me and when he finally did I felt relieved he asked for me back a few days later when he realised I was going out and enjoying being on my own I turned round and said no

When I finally realised he was never going to change, he didn’t see a future with me- as much as I tried to create one. When I left the house he didn’t even turn away from the tv. Best thing I ever did.

@PurpleDaisies

People might be suspicious of a brand new poster with no explanation attached to the question. It might help to give more context op…

Why would they be suspicious by the way? People don't have to post and we all have user names not names we use in real life?

Journalists have been known to post threads as research. Posters might avoid a thread which is just a question with no context.

@PurpleDaisies

Journalists have been known to post threads as research. Posters might avoid a thread which is just a question with no context.

Oh I never thought of that. Sorry

My ex was an abusive narcissist. He emotionally, and on occasion, physically abused me for 3 years. I was so wary of him and spent all my time treading on eggshells around him. There was a build up to me leaving him. Firstly, he made a scene at my sister's wedding because I went to get food from the buffet without him (he was in the toilet). It made everyone at our table really uncomfortable and we ended up leaving the wedding early to save everyone else's discomfort. Second incident was when we were had a minor disagreement whilst driving to my my parents on Xmas day. We we're on the motorway and he was screaming at me to pull over onto the hard shoulder and let him out. He kept opening his car door and taking off his seat belt threatening to jump. Third one was when my grandfather died, I found out when I left work at 6pm. I got back to our house naturally upset and he told me to pull myself together, it's not natural to cry over the death of an 87 year old man. But weirdly the final nail in coffin was when we had another minor disagreement on a Monday night eating dinner. He called me a fucking fat bitch. I'd lost 1.5 stone in 6 months due to his behaviour and being so unhappy - I only weighed 7st 12lb at the time and looked ill. It was like a switch had been flicked. I literally stood up, put my plate in the kitchen, walked upstairs, packed a bag and walked out. He was stunned. As I reversed my car off the driveway he was stood in the front window giving me double two-finger salutes. He was a total nob.

Nothing major to be honest. We were at uni and living together. I worked 3 different jobs while he lazed around all day and then expected me to come home and cook his dinner. I suddenly realised that if we stayed together after graduating this would be my life forever and I really didn’t want that.

1. he broke my arm

2. I had to go to a women’s refuge

3. I didn’t like his secret girlfriend

4. he got nasty to me and couldn’t understand why I was upset that he’d moved his ex-wife back in

5. he’d secretly got back together with a previous girlfriend

6. he was seeing other women

7. he said I should send my son to stay with his dad. My son hasn’t seen his dad for nearly 4 years.

1-7 are all different men! They are all the men I’ve ever had a relationship with. What a fucking shower.

My most recent guy was someone I felt crazy about and we were amazing to start with. Then it's like he slowly revealed himself to me. I started noticing little things. Felt myself feeling miserable. We had a split. He came back. Noticed a new woman on his Facebook who lived an hour away from us. She started liking everything be posted and commenting like they were close. I messaged her and said is there something going on with you and mark. She said why? I said because I want to know if he is messing me around. She said we had a thing. Now we are friends. I asked her to explain. She confirmed from February until a month ago she was shagging him at his and sleeping over a few nights. He then called me and said have you been contacting my friend. I said your sex life is nothing to do with me. He said I don't have an eff ing sex life she's just a friend. At that point I told him I was done. I hung up. Blocked him. Sent him a final message on wattsapp explaining why he was dumped and why I was sick to death of him. It's been 18 days.

Im happier in so many ways. Not having to figure him out and deal with his moods is amazing. But I am still abit broken by it all and today I'm abit lost.

I think do the list. Why you liked him at the start. Why you like him now and. Why you don't. I found I didn't like one thing about him anymore. I only liked the person he faked in the begining.

@Bluebellsinthesnow

My most recent guy was someone I felt crazy about and we were amazing to start with. Then it's like he slowly revealed himself to me. I started noticing little things. Felt myself feeling miserable. We had a split. He came back. Noticed a new woman on his Facebook who lived an hour away from us. She started liking everything be posted and commenting like they were close. I messaged her and said is there something going on with you and mark. She said why? I said because I want to know if he is messing me around. She said we had a thing. Now we are friends. I asked her to explain. She confirmed from February until a month ago she was shagging him at his and sleeping over a few nights. He then called me and said have you been contacting my friend. I said your sex life is nothing to do with me. He said I don't have an eff ing sex life she's just a friend. At that point I told him I was done. I hung up. Blocked him. Sent him a final message on wattsapp explaining why he was dumped and why I was sick to death of him. It's been 18 days.

Im happier in so many ways. Not having to figure him out and deal with his moods is amazing. But I am still abit broken by it all and today I'm abit lost.

I think do the list. Why you liked him at the start. Why you like him now and. Why you don't. I found I didn't like one thing about him anymore. I only liked the person he faked in the begining.

Sorry for appalling way he treated you. Hope you feel better soon.

@Hen2018

1) he broke my arm

2. I had to go to a women’s refuge

3. I didn’t like his secret girlfriend

4. he got nasty to me and couldn’t understand why I was upset that he’d moved his ex-wife back in

5. he’d secretly got back together with a previous girlfriend

6. he was seeing other women

7. he said I should send my son to stay with his dad. My son hasn’t seen his dad for nearly 4 years.

All terrible guys who treated you so badly! What is wrong with these people!!😡

I've had 2 major relationship breakdowns.

1st was a marriage, to someone who seemed exciting and interesting and showered me with gifts and flattering attention. 2nd was the long term relationship that occurred after that, with a nice but dull man who, at the time, I thought was wonderfully supportive. It turned out he was just the same drink in a different bottle.

I started by writing something long, describing all of the various harms and deceptions they both did in their different ways that led me to finally reject them outright. In the end, I think I left them both for the same reason.
Despite my help and understanding, neither of them was willing to try to be as good a person as I want to be. I strive to be a good person, and they simply couldn't be bothered. A good relationship is one where you want to be your best self, and be respected and loved by your partner for the investment you make in being a couple. I hoped they would do the same. You can't make another person change, but someone who loves you will be willing to change some things to increase your mutual happiness.
Both of these men were unwilling to accommodate with me in ways that were sometimes small, but sometimes large. They refused to see my point of view if it didn't suit them, and would become sullen and angry. The first nearly drove me into bankruptcy (from a pretty comfortable financial position, which I know he was alert to), mostly due to laziness and entitlement. The second made no secret of his unemployment when we met which I was fine with, but resisted any opportunity to try to gain employment for years. He would frame it as meaning he had less time to support me emotionally, and that a 'shit job' would be demeaning and damage his MH.

The final straw in both cases was realising that they would never care about the actual me as much as I cared about who they had pretended they were to begin with.
Their real selves were far more shitty, but still I tried.

The metric I use now is, would I behave like this with someone I loved? If you wouldn't, you should leave. Willingness to be open to change and compromise shows that you love someone. If they won't, they don't respect you, and will always treat you like a mark.

It took me about 12 years to nail it down, but that's my light eventual light bulb.

Different exes. Kicking my cat. Not caring that he'd double booked with no apology but it massively impacted my day. Not caring that he'd had sex with one of my relatives. Not caring that I was stranded having lost my train in a different city. Not caring that I got Covid and my son did and that we were anxious about it. Generally being boring weak and non comittal. Again. Boredom, disappointment, meanness or lack of empathy will make me dump any of them. Hence now still single because apparently 'i'm tooo picky and unforgiving'. Well that's the way it is and the way it shall stay

I was struggling to pay the bills and he bought something for a friend. My love for him died there and then.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4251727-I-knew-my-relationship-was-over-when?pg=1

This has been done before.