Can a course change an abusive person?

[Letdown16]

Just that really is there any way a course about being an abuser can change a person?

I don’t think it’s worth hanging around to find out if it’s your partner you’re talking about

I wouldn't stick around to find out. I'd be running for the hills.

Such courses can do more harm to the targets of their abuse and their success rate is very poor. AM courses and the like are no answer to domestic violence

They tend to make the abuse worse in that they teach the abuser more ways of being abusive and how to hide it better. So, no. If you're in an abusive relationship, do the Freedom Programme or read up on abuse and get therapy to help you raise your self esteem. It must be very low if you think abuse is all you deserve in life.

There’s very limited evidence that domestic violence perpetrator programmes have any effect, and because capacity for programme evaluation is limited, no definitive conclusions. There’s some evidence that talking therapy aimed at tackling the root causes of some of the underlying behaviours which characterise emotionally controlling a partner (jealousy, insecurity etc) can improve the behaviour. Whether people generally can change or not is purely anecdotal and can’t really be measured.

It’s a DAPP course for child access

I often wonder about this. Everyone basically seems to say there is no hope for an abusive person to change. That's very sad

I wouldn’t bet anything worth having on it. Not even my gas bill or my car. Definitely not my DC’s safety.

Is this a court-ordered thing? Are you being manoeuvred into a corner?

@buckeejit

I often wonder about this. Everyone basically seems to say there is no hope for an abusive person to change. That's very sad

I don’t know about that. Some people will realise how wrong they’ve gone and be very motivated to make absolutely huge changes to themselves. Not the majority, but some.

I think the point is that there is no simple intervention you can administer from the outside that will effect that change. If someone is going on “a course” because they’ve been told to or it looks good for them to go, then that’s not really evidence of sincere intent, and a single course won’t undo a lifetime of ingrained damage and behavioural patterns.

It’s good to have hope, but you have to protect yourself and children foremost.

No.

Yes I am not left with any choice. I just hold no hope a course will make any difference, especially as he is going into it truly believing he has done nothing wrong and is a victim!

He will never change especially as he doesn’t actually see that he has a problem

The only thing that can change an abusive person is themselves. First step to doing that is admitting to themselves that they are an abusive person. Most don't seem to manage it though, much easier to blame everybody else.

I genuinely hope - have to hope - that a remorseful abuser can change themselves from the inside out.

But I don't believe someone with no remorse or insight into their behaviour can change themselves from the outside in.

I think they can. I've seen several men sent on these cases and for one or two it has been life changing.
They don't go and just sit there. They have to participate and they have to accept responsibility.
If they don't accept their wrongdoing they will not be allowed on the course.

He will never change. Family courts are shit with DV. Hang in there. You cant do more than you can do

No.

Real change takes self awareness and an ability to hold yourself accountable for the damage caused. I don’t think abusers are capable and if you’re in that kind of situation, give yourself permission to walk away doesn’t matter if changes have been made of not. You don’t need a specific reason to walk away, not being respected is reason enough.

Therapy only works if the person seeks help, accepts they have a problem, and wants to change. They have to agree to engage with the therapy and the therapist. They have to do the work, and it takes time and effort.

Courses for reluctant abusers have a high fail rate because they don't meet those conditions.

Someone is unlikely to change until they accept some level of responsibility for their actions. If they don't think they've done anything wrong why would they change. A lot of perpetrator programmes won't accept a perp unless they have some insight into their behaviour

One thing to look out for is that some abusers will change the way they abuse after doing a programme. For example stopping being physically abusive but ramping up the coercive control. To the untrained eye it can look as though the abuse has reduced whereas actually coercive control can be much more dangerous than other forms of abuse.

No. They never change. Ever.