Huge anxiety over calling my Mum...so sad right now.

[FortunesFave]

Long story short, I live in Australia and Mum in the UK. She's got dementia and has been getting progressively worse over the past year.

I've lived abroad for 5 years. She has my siblings all around her plus her own siblings who all visit and care for her very well indeed as well as keeping me informed.

But as she's got worse, phone calls are incredibly hard. Obviously she's not very clear in conversation...she's been in her own home with three visits from carers plus relatives but recently went into a home.

For about a year now telephoning her is causing me so much pain. She naturally struggles to talk but it's killing me hearing her repeat herself and get confused and now she's gone into the home it's worse because I have to speak to a nurse first and then its so hard to say goodbye.

I last saw her two years ago which I am thankful for as she still knew me properly and I am grateful I could do that before coronavirus hit.

Please can someone give me a bit of help or advice on making it easier? I keep putting off calling because it's so painful.

@PotteringAlong I thought was a very apt point and nicely put. I'm struggling with my parent with dementia and my friends are very sympathetic and supportive but it's hard to appreciate how draining it is dealing with it on a daily basis.

OP I'm sympathetic to your position. When you see them slipping away from you, it's very distressing. And conversation can be difficult and repetitive. My mum has a couple of things she really enjoys talking about so I just mention that and she repeats the conversation we had the day before (!) and she's happy. Sometimes they can remember things from the past and will talk about that. Could your siblings help you out on a topic? Could you have a three way convo over the phone? My mum prefers to listen to partaking and a third person keeps the convo going. She will have moments of lucidity and it will make your day when she does.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best in what is a truly horrid situation.

Just thinking. Could you send her a recorded message? That way she can be played it a few times because it's difficult for them to pick everything up the first time. And maybe if you have children, they could say something. My mum remembers songs, even the words. Could you sing her bits of songs she could join in with?

Good luck. x