Advice needed and appreciated

[Jayted]

I have 2 ds, 10 and 12, split up with their dad approx 7 years ago, he couldent cope with my depression. Met someone soon after ( too soon ) but he was everything my ex wasn’t, caring, attentive, said he didn’t lie and so on. Anyway soon into the relationship( I met him on a dating site), I had a strange feeling and instinct told me to look at dating sites and there he was. Since then I must have found him on sites at least 20 times. I KNOW I should have ended it there and then but when you are low and vulnerable it’s difficult.my dad has had cancer for about a year and died a few months ago, at the end of last year I did a sneaky search on his iPad and found porn and dirty kik ( kind of like WhatsApp for flirting), he just said because I was so low and not into sex he just needed to watch it. I kind of know deep down that he was chatting to local women. I just don’t know what to do, I have no friends or family and don’t work atm so am incredibly vulnerable still, I don’t feel like I’ve been a good mum and I feel I can no longer cope with my life. Any help and time taken to reply is appreciated

Advice please

I'm going to be blunt. Dump him. He may outwardly appear to be everything you've ever wanted, but he's going behind your back by being on dating sites and using kik.

I guarantee you'll feel better when you don't have to worry what he might be doing that you don't know about, even though it may hurt at first. He won't change. Get rid.

Also trying to put the blame on you because you were low when your dad had been ill is not the mark of a good man.

I'd suggest calling The Samaritans as it sounds like you are finding things unbearable and you need someone to talk. I think you need to leave this man. You can't trust him and he's not actually supporting you. He's blaming you when you're clearly struggling. It's a toxic relationship. Focus on you, not him. He's not worth it. I hope you get some help so you don't feel so alone.

You are feeling low. It is understandable, given recent events. This man won't fix your mood or low self esteem. No man or woman can ever do that. You need to time out to work on your boundaries and respect yourself enough to not tolerate behaviour from a date that is outside your expectations. Be single for a while and develop some resilience. Some people hoover up vulnerable individuals. Therapy may help you get some perspective on what has happened and put you in the right position to think about dating again.