New relationship, but...

[Misunderstud]

Ive been seeing this guy officially for about 3 months. However i have to admit that we have been having a sort of emotional affair for a year or so. Im going through a divorce and my partner was engaged to his then partner for 7 years. They have a child together.

We met at work and became friends and he disclosed to me problems with his relationship and I divulged my stories too. He had told me things he kept from his fiance big lies as in other children ect...he ended things with her 7 months ago and we became closer and in the last 3 months made it official. Though now, I cant stop thinking about the lies he told her and what he cod be saying to me??

He tells me he isnt like that anymore and he wants to settle down. I have a son from previous marriage also.

I hate to say it but these men never change. He'll lie to you just like he lied to her

Hmmmm... Well they sometimes say you lose these men as you gain them.

If he's capable of telling 'huge' lies, then he's very likely to lie to you too. The lies and the deceit mean his ex-partner is out of that situation now. Whereas you've now created a place for an OW. Would you ever be able to trust him do you think? Hand on heart? If not, then there's your answer.

Sounds like a charmer. Why wouldn't you want that around your kid eventually ?

Honestly, run. He'll tell you the same lies. Hiding other kids from his ex-partner?? WTF?

If he can cheat WITH you, he can cheat ON you

Sorry but once a liar always a liar

The last thing you need is to get involved with a player while you're going through divorce, by other children do you mean the kind of man that fathers children while already in a relationship? He isn't for keeps. He's preyed on you while you've been in an emotional turmoil during the breakdown of your last relationship, this will end in disaster if you think he's the one to have a serious relationship with.

Liars lie.
It's just what they do.

@spotcheck

Liars lie. It's just what they do.

This.

He cheated on her, of course he can cheat on you.

You are being unbelievably naive and silly to think otherwise.

He has drama written all over him.

Well this is what happens when you cheat on your partners. Happens time and time again.

Are you mad? He's a known liar who hid his children from a partner of 7 years, children he probably has nothing to do with. He's a great catch.

I don’t think it’s 100% that he’ll lie to you. It’s not that clear cut. But frankly it’s likely.

And I could never be with someone who has children he keeps hidden and has nothing to do with. That alone would turn him into someone I wasn’t friends with, let alone in a relationship with.

How about thinking of him as your exit affair, that helped you leave your marriage and divorce process? But he's not for keeps.

He seems like a really really bad bet.

He has told you the things he's capable of, and you have so far shown him that's acceptable to you.

Sometimes we fool ourselves that someone won't do that to us because we're special to them.

His girlfriend probably thought that too.

No really? You're worried the cheat might lie to you as well?

What a quandary.

He wants to settle down...I wonder if that what he told her when he proposed to her :/

Sorry op but the guy is obviously a dick.
I dont get why you would pursue anything longterm with someone who has told you exactly who he is, a bastard.

Sorry OP but he doesn't sound like a keeper. Can you see this as a contained thing that perhaps you needed at the time, someone to confide in?

I would doubt the wisdom of trusting someone who had hidden children from a partner of 7 years, never mind had an emotional affair. It's just too big and unpalatable of a lie, not something silly that snowballed. I think you'll end up hurt if you trust that he has changed.

Once a liar always a liar. He won’t change. You will find it really hard to trust him because he’s got form.
He doesn’t sound like he’s great partner material by any stretch.

@Misunderstud

Ive been seeing this guy officially for about 3 months. However i have to admit that we have been having a sort of emotional affair for a year or so. Im going through a divorce and my partner was engaged to his then partner for 7 years. They have a child together.

We met at work and became friends and he disclosed to me problems with his relationship and I divulged my stories too. He had told me things he kept from his fiance big lies as in other children ect...he ended things with her 7 months ago and we became closer and in the last 3 months made it official. Though now, I cant stop thinking about the lies he told her and what he cod be saying to me??

He tells me he isnt like that anymore and he wants to settle down. I have a son from previous marriage also.

Don't you have a modicum of common sense OP?

You want a relationship with a man who:

Lies
Has emotional affairs and is indiscreet. Will discuss you and your relationship with some other woman - if he did it to her...
Has how many secret children (isn't mature enough to use condoms/probably has herpes) and will have to pay child maintenance.

OP you're falling for the - you're not like the rest of them, I'll change for you codswallop but he was in a relationship with another woman he was meant to love and look how he treated her. You have the advantage of knowing what he's like and you're probably a rebound.

Don't get involved.

By 'wants to settle down' read, isn't getting any younger, has several children he may have to look after when it's his contact time and he's certainly not about to start doing the grunt work he's avoided for 7 years. He sounds awful and predatory and he will have prepared and rehearsed exactly how to play you to get what he wants from his shitshow of a life. Just tell him you're getting a divorce and you're not a fool to jump straight into another relationship with a liar and a cheat. Honestly, why would you swap one shit bloke for another?