Workaholic DH

[PippaPots]

I'm reaching the end with dh. He has always been absent and more interested in work than homelife. But I did think if we actually needed him here he would be.

Yesterday dd1 had surgery, it was booked 2 months ago and dh booked the day off. Because the accompanying parent can't drive there/back the plan was he drops us off, drops 2 DC to school, keeps the dog company, then picks DS and us when she's discharged.

First of all he made dd late to the hospital by sending emails.
He then went to the office instead of taking DS to school and palmed the job off on his mum.

He left us waiting 2 hrs after we had been discharged because he was still at work and wanted to finish what he was doing before leaving. The nurses kept asking why we were still there.

We got DS from after school club on the way home, as I walked in the door dd throws up from the anaesthetic, diabetic DS has a bad hypo (low blood sugar) and because he didn't pop home all day the poor puppy had pissed all over the kitchen.

DH then got a drink and went back to work. I phoned to ask if he was coming home any time soon at 8pm and the fucker put me on hold.

I'm so angry I can't even get upset. I'm planning my exit plan but am stuck. Which is why he knows he can act like a cunt.

Sadie you seem to assume I’m a bit of a doormat. I’m very clear that I need him to do A,B,C. I then get 'well I need to do X,Y and Z, but I can only try.
And ‘what do I tell Random that this won’t get done now’
‘I’m not going to finish too late now’
‘We’ll do it next week’
‘The kids don’t mind’

He mainly just doesn’t answer his phone when I call.

The day I cancelled he has a morning meeting booked anyway. He had no intention of taking a day off.

My ex used to claim his phone had been in the boot of the car, which was total nonsense as he never left it there except when I was trying to find out why he was late for things.
Or he'd say he didn't realise it was that important. Even if we'd got an appontment at the bank and he knew we'd be there waiting for him.
Mostly it was bad traffic, or something happening at the last minute, or "you KNOW I can't just drop my work at the end of the day".

If it was communication issues that were bothering me, they magically disappeared along with my ex. Haven't had any such problems with any other partner.

It also would have been extremely obvious to anyone with eyes that it wasn't a great time to piss off.

DD was in tears when he turned up as she felt awful and just wanted to get home. She then threw up blood and bile all over the hall from her throat op. DSs glucose monitor was screaming and dd2 was trying to be helpful by cleaning dog pee out of her nans wool carpet.

I begged him not to go, I asked him to just stay for a bit and go when everyone was settled, even to just wait until DSs blood glucose had come up. He couldn't even wait the 15mins. I was in tears, but apparently I should just 'spell clearly what I need from him'

He said I have every right to be angry, but he has not actually apologised to me or dd.

I completely understand Pippa.

It is not even possible to be a martyr with a true workaholic husband because they don't even notice or care when you are upset.
@sadie9 her husband doesn't care that she cancelled his day off, no skin off his nose, it's just a relief for him. I bet she could book two weeks abroad on her own with the kids and he couldn't care less so long as he didn't have to take her to the airport.

It doesn't matter if you shouted from the rooftops his unreasonable and absent behaviour, other people probably have toldl him he is missing out on his familie's life, they just don't listen, nothing gets through to them.

You just learn to do everthing yourself, they are usually so emotionally detatched aswell so you learn to self soothe yourself out of the really bad times.

He won't change love and no one will give you a medal at the end of this, you think you are operating as a team but he is investing all of his time and energy on himself for his own benefit.
He is the one whose friendship base is growing, his networking and his reputation is building, his finances and his ego.
You can't say anything to others as they just state what a good provider they are beacause they work all the time.

They have no idea.

All for him, he may say it's for both of you but it,s not, he is a selfish twat, pure and simple.
It was unfair of him to have children with you and then expect you to operate like a slave, without love, respect and attention.

Empty promises that's all you will get.

Usually ‘being a workaholic’ is just another way of taking your enormous ego into the office and opting out of family life.
As @Onthedunes says, it’s nowt to do with providing.

to everyone who gets it.

He loves talking about how much overtime he’s putting in. It’s a huge flex.