Keep bumping into ex

[Beachtrip]

things ended nastily about a month or so ago. After a turbulent 9 month relationship.
I loved him way too deep and he loved being fucking hard to please.
There was an abusive episode. And I left.
He works in the village I live in, and I keep running into him.
I know this will get easier over time but it's happened twice where we've spotted each other abs once where I saw him and then changed direction, and now I'm getting anxious to go out during the day.
I'm not ready to see him(I know that one day it won't bother me so, but right now it does) We don't interact. But seeing him in my area is a bit weird for me.
He doesn't work every day here, some days from home but I don't know his schedule as it changes constantly so i can't plan around it and I don't want to have to.

Each time I just see a man who physically hurt me and told me it was my fault. But it still floors me. I remind myself what he did and that bolsters me to not interact (the first time he tried to be genial and I was just silent). It's just the constant presence, it's bothering me.

That sounds horrible and i'm sorry you've had to go through that.

What sort of work does he do? I'm wondering if it's easy to avoid him - how do you actually manage to keep bumping into him?

It's a small high street, he takes random lunch breaks or comes in at random times. His office is in my village but he doesn't live here.
He's not in everyday. Randomly changes week by week as he manages his own hours.
I've bumped into him both times in Waitrose.
And the other time I saw him coming out of a coffee shop and I just turned and went into the nearest shop, hung out for a minute and then left.

He's blocked on all platforms. I just hadn't anticipated seeing him this much. We used to meet during the day when we were together, but I never accidentally bumped into him before.
It's just plain odd.

He's not stalking you is he? 3 times in one month is quite a lot for someone to randomly bump into you. I've had ex boyfriends who live in my town and I've only ever bumped into one once in all the time i've lived here.

That's a bit scary 😬

lol, just keep on eye on it. For example, if you see him in Waitrose, try to see if he's actually buying anything in there. Was he walking around with a basket/trolley or was he just in there?

I think it's important not too attach sinister or woo thinking to this too hastily.

He works in your village. Presumably he's in Waitrose getting his lunch or something to take home for tea. Maybe he is there everyday but the other days you've not seen him , how do you know his hours haven't changed ?

It's your village so don't feel weird going about your business, he's your history not your present.

Did you report the abusive incident? Are you afraid of him when you see him? Does he pose an immediate actual threat?

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

He's not stalking you is he? 3 times in one month is quite a lot for someone to randomly bump into you. I've had ex boyfriends who live in my town and I've only ever bumped into one once in all the time i've lived here.

I've got an ex who lives in the same town as me (very small town) and I bump into him loads.
Not quite the same as he lives here rather than only works here but I don't see 3 times a months as being unusual.

We mutually separated on good terms and have both moved on so no stalking. we have a friendly "small talk" type chat if we bump into each other.

A bit of a different scenario but my point is that i don't think it's necessarily sinister if he has sold reason to be in your town (ie work)

Tbh, I've never paid attention to whether is buying anything but I assume he was buying lunch.

I doubt his hours have changed as he worked like this pre pandemic.
He doesn't live near the office and heads up his department so he has the luxury of being in and out when he pleases. There's a lot of remote working in there.

I just had to vent it somewhere.
Thanks all

Then I would say if you've seen him in the same place each time, swerve that place? Until you don't feel weird about it.

You shouldn't have to but will probably be better for you if you do.

Go to Waitrose outside of office hours for a while 🤷🏽‍♀️

I am in the same position as you OP. It's been a while now since I split with my abusive ex but we live just minutes away from each other, we share the same high street, we have mutual friends because we went to the same school together, my local pub is his local pub. I can be walking down the road and suddenly he drives past. He definitely isn't stalking me but most days I really could do without seeing him.

I did avoid, in a way, our main local roads for a while and met friends at another pub etc... but who was in Sainsbury's the other day when I was in there...we ended up down the same aisle together. I know how you feel. It does get easier.