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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

advice please

5 replies

captainchaos1 · 23/06/2021 09:50

i got married a couple of years ago to a wonderful lady , during a cinversaition it came out she had a relationship at work with a married man before we met , and he came and stayed in the house where we live and in our bed on a few occasions while we knew each other but were not properly dating. i understand this is in the past. however she keeps in touch with this man , thier messages are flirtitatious , they call eall other "gorgeous" and lovey dovey emojis , she has on occasion denied messaging only to reval later she has , and i have told her that i feel this relations ship is counterproductive to our marraige and asked her would she take a step back , she countinues to message privatly and like his posts on FB etc. ive said in the past that if the content of the messages continues to be flirtatious then i would reveal the affair to his wife , am I overreactiong this is very troubling .

OP posts:
Flipflopfoodle · 23/06/2021 15:24

She doesn't sound so wonderful to me. Don't add kids to this mix.

Flipflopfoodle · 23/06/2021 15:28

(in that it's a lot more complicated to split up when your share kids, and this marriage is not going to last as she lies to you and enjoys flirting with other men)

updownroundandround · 23/06/2021 15:50

@captainchaos1

She's untrustworthy, and she continues to message this man, regardless of your feelings, even after you have asked her to stop.

All relationships are based upon love, respect and trust. She doesn't respect you, it would seem she does not love you and you cannot trust her.

IMO, the relationship is already broken.

It's up to you if you want to give her an ultimatum i.e you can be with me, or you can be with him, but you cannot have both, so choose. ( but you need to be prepared to carry out your threat to break up the marriage) She may call your bluff, or say she chooses you and continue to message this man behind your back.

Only you can decide how much you are prepared to put up with before you finally end this sham of a marriage.

litterbird · 23/06/2021 15:53

You put a boundary in place, she didn't respect that boundary. Unfortunately this will be the future of your marriage. If she doesn't stop then I am afraid you will have to rethink the relationship.

66babe · 23/06/2021 16:03

I would agree with all the previous comments
It's disrespectful and if this was a woman talking about her husband .. it would be a resounding LTB
So ... I'd tell her to show some respect for your marriage or you are out !

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