Control issues??

[Strawb1980]

Separated from dh just over a yr ago. No contact for first 5 months or so recently he's been coming round to see dc.
I want to move as too many memories, only round corner from his work and other issues in current house. Took a tenancy 6 months ago he invited himself round whilst I was moving things in and wasn't happy with the house and area. Just put a downer on it made me confused and I ended up giving the keys back. Now I've been offered another house he turned up again and said its no good bad area etc. When dc mentioned moving to him he's told them no we are not moving! He's also told them he's buying me a new car (a very expensive one). He knows i still love him and would love our family together again i just can't understand him at all. Is he playing games or trying to control what I do whilst he's "not ready for anything " yet?

Stop listening to his opinion
Do you like the house? Good then take it
Also divorce him

Who made him your lord and master. Oh you did, the good news is you can push him off his self controlling throne. You've separated, ignore him, stop him coming round, he doesn't have to visit you to see the kids. Stop giving him this power or you will never get to move on.

Why oh why are you entertaining this man? He is not your handler or controller. Get a grip immediately. You do what you feel is right and move. Tell him to sling his hook!

@Strawb1980

Why on earth are you allowing him to come round uninvited to your home, and give his bloody opinion on anything ????

If you like the new house, snap it up !

Don't ask him, bloody tell him you're not interested in HIS bloody opinion !

Also tell him, he is NOT to call round, ever, unless you have specifically invited him ( But never bloody 'invite' him, for any reason !! He should never step foot over your threshold !) If he wants to see DC, you can meet him somewhere else for the 'handover', and he can take his child out to the park or wherever. If he starts saying crap like ''But I don't know what time I'll be taking DC back, so it's easier if I just drop them home'' Nope, no way ! Tell him ''that's what mobile phones are for ! Just call me when you know when you'll be back, and I'll meet you''

He is controlling you, and he will continue to do so until you put a stop to it !

Who died and made him king?.

The fact that you are now separated makes no difference to him and you really do need to start divorce proceedings. He will not make the process of you divorcing him easy either and will in all likelihood be obstructive and difficult.

He remains abusive like he was when you were together and his actions stem from still wanting power and control over you. He feels entitled to act like he does and feels he is doing nothing wrong here. You and the kids are mere possessions to him.

Your mistake has been to now have him at all in your own physical space. He neither cares for nor will ever respect any boundary you care to set him and your boundaries here are way too low. He was never going to let go of you that easily and he will try and manipulate you and his kids. Indeed he is doing that now.

Keep him away from your children; if he does deign to want to see them then a formal arrangement needs to be in place with a contact centre. Do not let him keep on waltzing into your home and life like he is doing now.

Do read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. It will further open your eyes as to what he is doing to you and in turn your kids.

OP tell him to fuck off you need to make this decision for yourself and be happy with it, it's not for him to be involved where you move to. Don't tell him any details just get yourself a new place without his shitty interfering. He won't stop, he wants you under his fucking thumb, so you need some distance. Literally and metaphorically