I left my sons father 2 weeks after he turned one, for the month or two before he turned one he was around for around 2 weeks. Since we havent seen him since he left and never returned. No contact. He didnt want to come to court to arrange contact, i arranged the court paid 2k in fees because he wouldnt give address ect and had to get private investigator ect i knew he had no intention of being consistent which is why i went through court and proved me right he didnt show up. So thats that. Cort agreed for no comtact. Ive made a life story book to show him his whole family, but since hes only 4 and has no idea who his biological father is, i am going to wait until after chriatmas to explain it to him.
Anyway since ive had a new partner for 2 years and my son has started to call him dad. Hes lovely but honestly theres nothing beetween us its just settling for a safe person and its mutual. Theres no sex, no kissing, sleep in a bed together mabey once every 2 weeks with no touch. Ive asked him why and told him multiple times we need to try harder and have more fun but nothing in return. I book fun things to try to gain some romance and intimacy but he just doesnt try, with my son on the other hand he tries so hard and loves him. But tbh i dont. Im pretty fed up of him making me feel worthless.
Now im in this trap and have been for a year of feeling guilt that he will have lost two fathers 😔 and i keep on trying for his sake but im forcing it really hard now. I explained this to him before and he said he had no idea i felt that way and would try harder but honestly its just been worse since that day and somehow managed to give actual less effort.
Im an advocate for if you are happy your children will be and mirroring a relationship you wish for them, but my guilt here is insane.
Any advice, either advice to work it out or the opposite welcome. Would love to find someone in my situation.