If he was a bully 100% of the time you would quickly realise hes abusive, this is why they switch it up. It also makes them feel better about themselves.
Abusive people are all about benefits, every single incident brings a benefit. Unpredictable behaviours bring him benefits.
Incident happens, he leaves... mabey even suggests suicide... now your worried and comfort him about abusing you when he arrives back and confirm to what he asks you to do.
Mabey you think next time, easier life ill just stay home.
Mabey at dinner time when you asked him to do the dishes he screamed at you and threw a plate, now you never ask him to do that again.
Whilst hes not consistant with his behaviours and moods you go to walking on eggshells, he benefits, your second thinking everythin qorrying youll bother him, not asking him to do his actual responsibility like looking after the child and cooking ect.
Allllll benefits. Dont worry all abusers talk about their childhood trauma, substances and self harm or just vanish after an incident its purpous it to provoke guilt that with the promise to change. You are not a mental health professional, also staying or going from a relationship will not stop suicidal thoughts thats a state of mind not subject to relationship status. But if he threatens it then call your cmht to assess him, so he knows he cant make threats like that. If he brings up his childhood tell him so you know how it feels, i hate that stigma its gross, childhood victims are not more likely to be abusers its a choice. We do not need to tell an adult things like dont cheat, dont his, dont scream abuse... its common sence, if he acts like he didnt know better suggest he gets a capacity test since he is unable to seperate feelings from behaviours and has the capacity of a 2 year old or seriously mentally ill such as dementia. Hell soon shut the fuck up. Do not try to remind him you are human and have feelings he knows thats why he has double standards he just does not care.
Change is dificult, sudden change is always false, try changing your organizational skills or health those alone are extreamly difficult let alone everything within abuse.
Lastly validate yourself. He will never admit. Validate your own feelings, trust yourself. You will second guess yourself even intrusive thoughts like was i abusive, thats fine dont worry just remember to validate and place all blame, shame, guilt and embarrassment with his dumb ass.
Ive worked with 200 victims. Yet to see an abuser change. Regardless of intervention and perp programmes. Sometimes they reduce the abuse but never stop. Much more likely to get a teenager to change. Adult abusers that have changed long term are extreamly rare. Block him on all platforms. Do not keep him there because you are scared to block and waiting for a warning incase hell turn up, if hes going to hes going to. Block him to avoid the, i love you ill change and sob story. Read healing books, why does he do that and out of the fog are great reads, but move on to healing books after those, dont get obsessed with reading domestic abuse books just switch on to healing straight after those two. Concentrate on being assertive, attachment, codependancy, florence given book, breaking habits ect. Books can be your best friend. Lalaletmeexplain and florence are good pages to follow after an abuser to empower you. They have stories on there page dedicated to dv. U