Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like I'm being psychologically tortured!!

34 replies

Mehhhhhhhhh · 22/06/2021 08:41

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do because I cannot continue like this!! Me and DP broke up a month ago, ever since his mother has been taking control over contact and maintenance and it's come to light that she actually falsified the maintenance amount so I've had to go through CM however in the last month she has demanded items to be returned in the rudest ways/called me a bad mother when I pulled her up about smacking DS bum, and demanding money from me. I can't eat, I'm struggling to sleep and when I do sleep it's not restful, when i do eat I feel sick for the rest of the day, I'm constantly on edge and everytime my phone pings from messenger I'm full of dread In case it's her. I feel sick every single day, I'm an anxious mess, my brain feels like it's full of fog, I just don't know what to do. I've told my ex that it's up to us to sort out about DS bit whether he will is yet to be seen. I can't take anymore from exs mother. It feels like I'm under psychological warfare, I've called the GP and awaiting a call back from them.

Oh and to add Insult to injury she's nice as pie to my face. Everyone has said she's a master manipulator. I'm just feeling so low and I'm exhausted from being in a constant state of fight or flight, I can't even relax, i try but my thoughts just start to race and the anxiety starts worse if I'm not doing anything. Every morning I'm suffering digestive issues from the stress and anxiety.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 22/06/2021 12:44

@Geanna2

People only bully you if you allow them to. Stop allowing her. She's not the father of your children. You've already told him once you won't deal with her and she's ignored that, now back it up and block her. Don't speak to her on the phone full stop.
Sorry but that's bullshit. People bully you because they are bullies. Stop victim blaming.
updownroundandround · 22/06/2021 12:50

@Mehhhhhhhhh

Totally agree with everyone that it is within your power to refuse her access to you.

You need to refuse to read any communication via email from her, and block her on your mobile, house phone and all social media.

Tell your EX, that he can communicate with you through a new email address (advise the Our Family Wizard) about the DC only, then block HIS number from everything too.

Report Ex MIL to social services for the smacking incident, and if your Ex MIL hits your DC again, report to social services immediately. Ultimately, all her/his abusive/coercive communication will be seen by social services, who will, in all probability, say that your Ex can have supervised visitation, and Ex MIL will be refused visitation.

It's only when you cut the abusive content from them, that your anxiety/depression will have a chance to improve.

Onthedunes · 22/06/2021 13:02

Of course, they are both causing you so much stress, she is using this situation to show her loyalty towards her son and to also back up his argument of why he left you.

You need to nip it in the bud before you become very unwell, she is using you for sport, if you end communication, she will get bored and find something or someone else to bully.

Stupid woman, she is actively destroying her own relationship with her grandchild. She hasn't the sense to understand this.

You have more power than you realise, one day she will regret this.
Good luck and block this immature woman.
I dislike bullies, especially bullies who wrap it up in the name of being caring and responsible.
x

strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious · 22/06/2021 13:06

@Dacquoise

Not sure if this will be useful for you if you are suffering from anxiety about difficult communications from anybody not just your DP's mother.

A technique I found useful when dealing with my ex-husband who tried to bully me by email when he put me through court a second time was to not open any communication the moment it appeared. I would wait for at least an hour, sometimes a day and allow myself to calm down. If you feel you are being attacked, your body immediately reacts. Dealing with stuff when you coursing with adrenaline can make it worse as you are in flight mode. If I thought it was going to be something upsetting, I would get someone else to look at it and then report it back to me ie take the sting out it.

Do you have a friend, or family that can advocate for you in this way?

This! 100% this. Exactly what I do and it helps very much.
Dacquoise · 22/06/2021 13:36

@strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious, glad you use it and it works. I suspect the evil mother will try to communicate through her son if she's blocked herself. I also only reply with bland facts keeping away from responding to anything intended to provoke or ignore completely if its rude or offensive. Completely took the wind out of my exhusband's sails!

Therebythedoor · 24/06/2021 08:50

[quote updownroundandround]@Mehhhhhhhhh

Totally agree with everyone that it is within your power to refuse her access to you.

You need to refuse to read any communication via email from her, and block her on your mobile, house phone and all social media.

Tell your EX, that he can communicate with you through a new email address (advise the Our Family Wizard) about the DC only, then block HIS number from everything too.

Report Ex MIL to social services for the smacking incident, and if your Ex MIL hits your DC again, report to social services immediately. Ultimately, all her/his abusive/coercive communication will be seen by social services, who will, in all probability, say that your Ex can have supervised visitation, and Ex MIL will be refused visitation.

It's only when you cut the abusive content from them, that your anxiety/depression will have a chance to improve.[/quote]
This sounds like really good advice. If things were to get to the supervised visitation stage and ex-MIL were to have no visitation rights her poisonous-sounding influence would be removed from both your lives.

Zerrin13 · 24/06/2021 10:36

Please just tell this woman to fuck off

Mehhhhhhhhh · 24/06/2021 10:56

Hi guys sorry I've been quiet, I've decided moving forward I will only be dealing with my ex.
The GP has put me on antidepressants which so far are helping me alot.
I've been reading through all suggestions and advice and I want to thank you all because you all have helped me and your all amazing x

OP posts:
Lili132 · 03/07/2021 07:19

CandyLeBonBon,

In this case she can block the bully and not allow access. She does not have to engage with her. Taking responsibility and empowering yourself is not the same as victim blaming.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page