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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me figure this out

7 replies

Scoobysdoo · 21/06/2021 09:38

This happened years ago but still sometimes has me thinking 🤔

So had a friend (no longer in contact) who I used to go out with for lunch (let's call her Kate). Knew her a very long time, from childhood and our mums were also friends.

Went out for lunch with Kate one day, had a lovely time. Lots of laughter and a good catch up. Went home and got into the bath for a soak. My mobile goes off downstairs and my DH answers it. It's Kate's mum on the phone demanding to speak to me. DH was puzzled and knocked on the bathroom door thinking it might be an emergency. I get out of the bath, also thinking its an emergency. Kate's mum starts ranting down the phone to me asking why have I upset Kate? apparently she'd come home in tears (she was living with her mum and dad at that point) and wouldn't tell her mum why, so she'd assumed I'd upset her and wanted to know what happened. Honestly it was like we were kids having to account to a grown up what had happened in the playground.

I was really puzzled and suggested she ask her daughter as nothing had happened at the lunch for her to be upset and we'd had a good time laughing and catching up. She kept asking and being bossy and talking to me like a child which started to get me annoyed tbh. Then she switched tack and started begging me not to tell her daughter she'd called me. I put the phone down pretty cross tbh that I'd basically been given a telling off for absolutely nothing!

Kate was 36 at the time.

What is your take on that ??

OP posts:
fedup078 · 21/06/2021 09:39

Did you never see/ speak to Kate again after this?

Honeyroar · 21/06/2021 09:40

Did you ever find out what had happened or why Kate was upset?

Aprilx · 21/06/2021 09:45

My take is that I would have asked Kate at the time. Confused

Scoobysdoo · 21/06/2021 09:51

I did see her many times after that and she seemed absolutely fine. Tried to ask if everything was okay without letting her know her mum had phoned me, but she kept smiling, seemed happy and saying she was fine.

Never found out what was wrong or why she was upset. But was stuck in a stupid situation where I couldn't ask her directly.

OP posts:
Scoobysdoo · 21/06/2021 09:58

I was more pissed off with her mum for treating the situation like a playground falling out rather than actually engaging with her like an adult to find out what was wrong and then letting me do the same.

I have a daughter and if she were that age I'd wait until she was calm if she didn't want to tell me straight away and try to talk through with her what the problem was, not go charging at her friend!

There is a huge story to all this, which basically made me go NC with both of them in the end but this incident has always puzzled me. Why would you go in like a bull in a China shop instead of communicating with the person who is upset, especially if she were 36 and safely at home!

OP posts:
fedup078 · 21/06/2021 10:00

I wouldn't give it anymore headspace
You got caught up in someone else's drama
I'd put money on there being some mental health problems and odd family relationships
I doubt you did anything wrong, just forget about it

Scoobysdoo · 21/06/2021 10:08

Thanks fed that's good to hear.

To be honest it all went downhill friendship wise not long after that. It just got too toxic, especially with her mum on the sidelines ready to wade in when anything went wrong. So I walked away. I hate drama.

OP posts:
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