Woke up to partner touching me

[solde]

First post here but could do with some thoughts.

I woke up to my partner touching my chest and himself. I moved his hand but a few minutes later he started touching me again, he only stopped when baby started crying. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was asleep and doesn't remember doing anything. We went back to sleep and he didn't do anything again.

I know he did do it though bur I'm not sure if he was actually asleep or not, if he was asleep i would just ignore it but I'm not 100% sure especially as he stopped when baby started crying.

I used to love being woken in this way and DP loved it too. To me it's part of a sexual relationship unless you have specifically outlined that this is unacceptable which is something else entirely

It depends what your relationship is like and how you feel about it. I love being woken up by my DH spooning me and touching me intimately and so does he, often it's just sleepily and doesn't go anywhere, or sometimes it does, just depends on our moods. If I'm not in the mood I'm not going to suddenly claim its assault.

However if its not something you feel comfortable with you need to make that clear.

What concerns me is that you moved his hand and he did it again anyway. That part would make me think he was aware of what he was doing.

@EarthSight

Actually I've just read it to the end and it's very similar to what I said in my post!

Cant offend the minimisers of male abuse can we! 🤫

@BaronessOfTheNorth

It really depends on the circumstances and what your relationship is like.

My husband wakes me up at least once a week like this and if I'm into it I'll go with it and if not I would just grunt and tell him I'm too tired.

I wouldn't question him about it because this is what our relationship is like. I do it to him too.

If this was normal in her relationship, do you think she would be posting?

Me and my DH do this to each other all the time!! But if you guys are always fully properly awake when you do stuff, and if you have a baby and really aren’t in the mood to be woken or touched then yep I would find this v annoying and tell him not to do it again.

Hey OP, if this is something you don’t like regardless of whether you’ve given consent previously for these actions then you need to tell him you do not like this and it must stop. If he continues to act on this behaviour then I would suggest evaluating your decisions to be with him.

A bit of support to you by the way because I have been in/still sort of am in this position myself and it is horrible. You feel so unsafe and vulnerable and not sure if you can sleep soundly. It started off like this with me and it ended up being rape and I now have my third baby from that, who is now 9 weeks old.

If this feels wrong to you, don’t do nothing about it because you’ll only end up feeling worse. Trust me I’ve done it.

Here if you ever need it. Good luck with whatever you choose. X

@Naunet if I’m cuddling DP he’ll cup a boob/bum because he likes them, I’m ok with that and I’ve told him so. That’s why it’s mega important to communicate what you are/aren’t ok with.

@Spanglecrabs - no I’m not minimising anything, it’s not for me to say it was sexual assault. I’ll leave that to OP. She was present in the moment and only she knows what’s going on. I’m not going to come on here and label someone’s relationship and put words in their mouth. I’m just here to offer support x

Why do you not want your partner touching you? My partner & i do & have a great sex life.

@HidingFromTheChildren

Why do you not want your partner touching you? My partner & i do & have a great sex life.

It’s perfectly ok to not want your partner touching you.

Your partner who you jave a baby with touched you while you were sleeping? I'm sorry if you're upset bt this but is there anything else going on in your relationship for this to worey you? Honestly this wouldn't even register to me as an issue, if DP did this to me I'd just respond or brush his hand away and tell him to bugger off? I see these threads often and always feel a bit confused by them. I mean unless your partner is abusive of course.

Sorry, I mention the baby because it indicates whether you're in a long term, stable relationship, which i think is very relevent? If it was a short relationship i can understand being more wary.

I hope the cool girls haven't driven OP away.

I have to be honest OP and say that I myself hate this— but in all fairness I have always hated it ‘more ‘ when ive’gone off’ someone but yet are still ‘in ‘ the relationship. Are their other feelings/ issues at play here because it does tend to emphasise anything that is remotely sexual— if I’m not feeling it I don’t even like hugs much or even kissing

[quote FTEngineerM]@Naunet if I’m cuddling DP he’ll cup a boob/bum because he likes them, I’m ok with that and I’ve told him so. That’s why it’s mega important to communicate what you are/aren’t ok with.[/quote]
That’s it what happened though.

@HidingFromTheChildren

Why do you not want your partner touching you? My partner & i do & have a great sex life.

Are you actually asking this? Unbelievable 🙄

If this was normal and acceptable in OPs relationship she wouldn't be posting here so fuck off with your 'we do this ALL the time god what's wrong with you' posts.

OP batted him away then he went back for more, he then claimed he was asleep, seems dodgy to me and like it could easily escalate.

Quite apart from anything else, the OP clearly wanted to sleep, and he was disturbing her. They have a baby, so she's very likely sleep deprived. It wasn't loving at all to wake her up.

My partner and I wake eachother up by gently kissing and snuggling up to eachother, I would never wake him up by massaging

Wake him up by massaging his balls.

Well I kinda like when this happens with someone I love and trust. Its quite erotic tbh

I know @Naunet but everyone likes different things as you can see on the thread, so communication is the only important thing. OP needs to talk about it if uncomfortable and then maintain that communication. Unless he’s an arsehole who ain’t listening..

Do you all really like your partner touching you while you are unconscious and wanking himself off? That’s what the OP has described. I just can’t understand the rush to tell her that that’s ok. OP if you are still here I hope you are ok.