After a betrayal did you leave? If so how long did it take you to leave?

[Jellybelly882]

I’m interested to hear other people’s stories, good or bad

I was betrayed by my husband 3/4 years ago (he cheated on me and the rest..) and it’s killing me to be with him and I feel I have no option but to leave him

OP. He's cheated on you and is only saying sorry because you found out. If he has done it before he will do it again.
You have lost trust in him and rightly so. You will always wonder what he is doing and that is negative and draining, looking for evidence when you should be doing other things.
I think you should walk away and start a new life without doubt and unhappiness.

3-6 months.

First 3 was trying to work on it, but he was showing no remorse or any understanding at all, then 3 months of 'trial' separation. Now fully separated.

@Jellybelly882 if I were you, I'd be monitoring that twitter account! Sounds quite suspect all those "coincidences"

I was expecting people to say they left straight away but hearing stories about how people have stayed for months or even years makes me feel a tad better and a bit less pathetic to be honest.

It was mid lockdown so that played into it a bit.

Really depends on the situation and the people though. You're definitely not pathetic, the shock of it all can leave you quite stunned and unsure of your footing and that takes time. If it's bearable and you're not at risk, then it's okay to work through it all first and not make any sudden moves.

After reading these posts it has made me feel like I can actually leave, and I can leave whenever I want. How much of a weight will be lifted when I’m not up until after midnight looking for him on websites, guessing passwords to various email addresses he has, I know I sound very pathetic from what I’ve just said but it is in a way exciting.

Like I said he is at work for another few weeks but when he is home, the chat will definitely be happening and of course I feel nervous about it, but there’s also a tiny bit of happiness

You are in control ...
You are correct it's mentally draining emotionally exhausting to feel like this ... you will feel so much lighter , happier , safer more secure once things have settled and you find peace
Leave when it suits you ! Today if you like , or get everything in place financially and practically .. and go when you want ... or tell him to go if you prefer

I stayed through several affairs. I wasn’t in love with him so it didn’t bother me that much - we had a small child - it was convenient. I finally left because his final affair (with DD’s friend’s mum) was public and humiliating. I had my own exit affair (for which I feel no shame - my AP was single, my marriage was dead, and not at my hand) then left.

Much happier now. He’s a great co-parent - just a lousy husband!

(He’s still with his last AP, but cheats on her regularly too. Some men (and women) are just players…..)

I discovered my husband's affair while he was at work. By the time he got home I had packed his bag and told him to leave.

Something in me broke that moment and I knew it would never mend.

4 years later I have been with someone else for almost 2 years and we have started divorce proceedings. We get on fine now and co-parent well. He is a decent person and good dad, thankfully...just not a great husband.

I echo the sentiments about good father/shit husband! They can coexist and definitely something to aim for with your coparenting relationship.

I don’t feel like I’m in love with him anymore either, but I still get so wound up and upset about it so I do obviously still love him.

With regards to an exit affair, this is another reason why I want to leave. If I was out having a few drinks and someone approached me and chatted me up I feel like I would more than likely be happy and roll with that.. which yes is wrong but it’s because I want to hurt him now the way he has hurt me. So yes this is another reason I want out, before I do something stupid (not that I’m planning on it) and it becomes even more tricky

I’m not saying he’s a bad father but he definitely doesn’t pull his weight when it comes to the kids so I’m hoping he will step up his game when the time does come for us to split