What would you think?

[MondayMorningYetAgain]

I met a man through friends about 18 months ago. We dated for just under a year before I ended it. We stayed friends as we were a support bubble and out of convenience really but it was really good.

By early this year, we were spending one night/day a weekend together, occasional messaging and a phone call during the week. I'd stay over at his in the spare room.

Within a couple of months, it had become sexual but we were both happy to see where it went and were, essentially, fwb, which suited both of us.

Since about Christmas, we have spent every weekend together - alternating weekends at mine and his. Sex often but doesn't always happen and, if I'm honest, our 'relationship' (whatever its nature) is much better now than it was before.

We had a chat about what went wrong a couple of months ago and both could see what went wrong from the other's perspective and agreed there was 'fault' on both sides. Nothing insurmountable or unrepairable. We've both made efforts in this respect and its really good tbh.

Over the past few weeks, there has been another shift. We've spent a few whole weekends together - he came out with my children and me for birthday (my children are mid teens and adult) and I went out with him and his two best mates for his. He's got a work event this weekend and he's taking me with him (his colleagues take their wives and gfs).

We've become a lot closer and I just don't know whether it's worth bringing up what we are or whether I should just be seeing this as fwb with a girlfriend/boyfriend experience.

We both have friends we are also seeing but I know that there are things we have discussed with each other that we haven't shared with others. We have met up with couple friends together. To all intents and purposes, it looks like a relationship and as though we are together. We just haven't said whether we are or not.

I know I should speak with him about this - is it worth it do you think?

He’s more of a boyfriend than I’ve ever had post marriage! I’d ask.

I’d ask myself what it is that you are hoping to achieve. Some public declaration on SM? Potential ring?
If these things are important to you - as they are to many people - then of course - have ‘the talk’.

But to me, if I were in in your place - with life pretty much settled in a good routine and no immediate need to be validated by being in an official ‘relationship’ - I’d just let it develop naturally. As it seems to be doing anyway.
I find that as I got to my mid 40s I became a lot more independent and relaxed about what others think about me and my life. I need my life arrangements to work for me and my kids - and that’s all.

I think if he wanted to consider it a relationship he would have said so back when you both discussed how you could see things from each others perspective about why it hadn't worked before.

It depends what you want op. Do you want a relationship? Or just to keep it fwb?

Personally I'd probably want clarity on where we stand and to make sure we are both on the same page.

I'd worry that he was blurring the lines of fwb inviting me to things wives should go to. And if all he wants is fwb then maybe there need to be a few more boundaries? So as when either of you decide to date someone else, it doesn't seem like some sort of uturn.

I’d ask. If nothing else, if he thinks you both view this as just a casual easy thing that you both enjoy whilst simultaneously still looking for somebody else for a “proper” relationship, you need to be on the same page, else you’re going to be blindsided if / when he tells you he’s met someone else and you two need to be just friends. That doesn’t mean that anything has to change about what you’re doing or you need to start defining exactly what you are to each other, only that dancing around the subject for fear of “ruining” what you have isn’t a great communication tac.

Thanks. Tbh, I want clarity. I just wondered what other people would do.

I don't want a public declaration on fb I'm not 15! But when we were definitely just fwb, I found myself another. If we are going to be in a relationship, I'd end the other fwb! That's the thing, I'm not sure if it's 'developing naturally' or whether we're still fwb but doing other stuff together too. Which would be fine. I'm not going to get my heart broken or anything.

I just don't want to end up inadvertently two timing someone!

This last week has definitely been more bf/gf than fwb which is why I'm asking. And he has been more attentive and affectionate.

I'm just going to have to say something.