He promised that he will be travelling to see me but he didnt even bother to tell me?

[techhaus]

I come from an Arab family. I met a guy online. We’ve talked for a month. And we were both looking for marriage. I took it so chill and had no expectations since I have trust issues. But suddenly I told my parent and they got involved and they helped me win him over. We had about three long calls and we discussed pretty much everything on the surface level. Things were going great, but then he started being lame slowly. So I live in country X and he lives in country Y. He can’t come to X due to political issues so we decided to meet at point A. I also told him I stay at point A as well. I informed him and did my part, since he’s all about the effort and all that talk. On the day that he promised to come, I receive no news, no thing. 2 days later, I text him and told him “safe flights, tell us ?” And he basically apologized that he forgot to inform me because he had to stay for work and that we will come next week. I told him I won’t be at Point A next week. Side note, I have told him that I won’t stay long at Point A and he knew this, I don’t know if he forgot. Anyways, I didn’t come to point A because of him. I’m just disappointed and devastated. I cried like crazy before I even met this dude. This guy talks about interest and seriousness then flakes out. This happened to me before.. I don’t know how I can trust men. He talks about family respect and he knew that my family is involved and yet he doesn’t respect the time. I don’t know if it’s work.. whatever

"Men" aren't the problem, rushing to build a future with some random who doesn't even live in your country is. You don't even know him and he is probably conning you. He's nothing but a fake so block him and move on, preferably with men who actually live near you.

Have you ever heard of a 'catfish' or seen the show?
Gives off that vibes majorly. He won't ever meet you.
Find someone nearer to you

You talked about marriage with a stranger without even meeting him?

This is so wrong. Surely there are better ways of meeting someone ?

Why would you risk your safety and future happiness on a man you know nothing about? Of course he didn't turn up.
Find someone nearer you, who you can meet and get to know. And take it slowly, what's the rush?

He is lying to you. He isn't flakey He is a fraud. 🌸

Catfish!

You're rushing to meet and even marry an absolute stranger and you're surprissd it didnt work out?!!

Didn't it seem a bit unnecessarily complicated to try to start a relationship with someone from another country, who can never visit yours?

I mean, if it had worked out that would you making some enormous sacrifices to be with the guy. (Why do you want to be a martyr?)

Just start off with some basic rules:

• Don't bother with anyone you can't meet easily and fairly quickly
• Don't bother with anyone who cannot enter your country
• Don't involve your parents in your online dating and don't be persuaded by them to chase insanely difficult relationships.

I'm slightly different from other posters in that I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with arranged marriages, provided of course they are not forced marriages and both parties ultimately have free choice to say no. (I'm not from a culture that practises them, this is just my view.)

However, what I see as being the potential benefit to that scenario is parents or family being able to help make sure you choose someone suited to you, with their knowledge of you. And that if families are known to each other and involved earlier on it reduces likelihood of being messes around.

It seems to me that here you have all the negatives of that practice with none of the positives. Your family don't know him, he is a long way away. I can't see this working, sorry.

Im with bathsh3ba... Personally i think there is nothimg wrong with modern arranged marriages.

However, you come across in your post as very young and babyish/ childish. You don't sound mature enough to be considering marriage.

There’s nothing arranged marriage about this. It’s just I met a stranger online and he said he wanted to marry me but he’s avoided meeting up and he don’t think he really does want to marry me.
Arranged marriages the families check each other out, establish intentions etc (doesn’t stop horrific abuse but is more due diligence than the op is doing!)

Really wouldn’t look for a husband online, certainly never go to meet someone after a couple of months - very surprised your parents allowed that. The guy is at best a very rude liar, knowing your family is involved but there are SO many flakes out there only after a passport or money - or he may have thought that you were too forward, flying to another country to meet someone you’d been talking to for a couple of months?! Either way, block and delete him and start again, much closer to home. Your family, including the distant cousins and all friends, know you’re looking for a good guy? You knees to have some ideas of what you want - a sporty guy cos you love a particular sport? Religious? Intellectual? Perhaps volunteer with a local charity/hospital/garden/mosque/church etc and meet some like minded people, or even people who know other people - network! It’s much easier than with a random in another country. (For what it’s worth, I met my husband while I was cycling along a road!)

You wanted to meet a man and marry him that you only spoke to online. He could be anybody. How on earth were your parents going along with this. Sorry but it's really stupid wake up

How old are you?

Anyone who has never met you who speaks about wanting to marry you is a lunatic. Not to mention he could literally be anyone online.

Are there not men local to you that you could date? Chapperoned if need be. In your local religious establishment or specific dating sites where members are of the same religion?

Honestly op you should not be so close to someone you've never met that you are crying when they screw you over.

I agree with pp that said you are a little you young/inexperienced about the world to be thinking about marriage.

Go out and date. If need be, secretly without telling family. But either way, take time to get to know someine, in person, in future before getting so attached. It takes a good long while to know if someone is a suitable marriage prospect. Unless their personality means nothing to you.

Op you say arranged marriages are where families know each other etc but still doesn't stop horrific abuse, but you actually have even less safety check than that. You don't know what he even looks like for sure, let alone his family history. Please value yourself more than this

Have you given him any money OP?

Who paid for the flights?

There’s nothing arranged marriage about this. It’s just I met a stranger online and he said he wanted to marry me but he’s avoided meeting up and he don’t think he really does want to marry me.

This.

But suddenly I told my parent and they got involved and they helped me win him over

I doubt he was up for it in the beginning Ning but then in an odd twist OP gets a parent involved to harangue them guy who said ‘yeah, okay’ in order to get everyone to just leave him alone. And OP wonders why it’s all fallen to shit. Hardly a great love story is it.

Plus he could have really been a 12yo girl.