Hi MN,
I haven’t been on here for years but I need to write down the overwhelming feelings I’ve had since the beginning of the first lockdown; in the vain hope that when I read this back I think stupid cow, grow up and move on...
I haven’t told anyone about this at all, not even my mum or my very close friends - I’ve got a ridiculous crush on another man, the kind of crush that has the butterflies-in-the-tummy sensation whenever he was near me! The kind of crush I experienced when I was a teenager, except I am now hurtling towards 50yrs old 
I’m happily married and have been for 23 years, with 2 adult children who are just about to leave the nest. There was a point in our marriage where we both took each other for granted and wondered if we should stay together now that the kids no longer physically needed us. We both agreed that it would be stupid to throw away our marriage, and our time spent together, and worked hard to get through that wobble. Sex wise, we’re having great sex, several times a week, and DH is the most caring, unselfish lover ever. I want for nothing and have a comfortable lifestyle. I’m very active and work full time.
When I clapped eyes on my crush, the overwhelming feeling of OMFG you’re effing gorgeous completely engulfed me - the first time ever in my married life I’d ever looked at another man in this intense way. He’s younger than me, is very, very fit and has a body to die for. He’s very friendly, charming and made me feel like the only person in the room. Every time I saw him he made a beeline for me and we would spend time just chatting about stuff but he would ask questions that had the potential to lead onto other things. He’s married too. I tried not putting him on a pedestal - he’s a real human too, as in he burps, farts and is probably a grumpy bugger at times too. He could even be a serial flirter and I’m one, in lots of women, who he chats/flirts with.
I kept thinking about my DH, the kids, how would I feel if the situation was reversed and made it a rule not to ask him personal questions - for example, I don’t know his name.
Then lockdown happened. The feelings I’ve experienced since March last year go between some sort of grief and a sadness that I’ll probably never see him again. I really do hope I don’t see him again.
When will this stupid crush feeling leave me?!