I'm 31 and not sure what has come over me the past year, probably my age. But I suddenly feel pressured to find someone and have a baby!
For the record, i'm not sure I WOULD be ready yet if wasn't for the constant stream of people announcing.
Every other day, there seems to be a pregnancy announcement on facebook and i'm feeling very left behind. The same way I have done in years gone by when people have got engaged, married, a mortgage etc.
I always wanted a partner and a family. But in 2017 I had a 9 month relationship which ended up destroying my confidence, and for a time, my life while I navigated the heart break. I was never very successful in the romance department anyway, i'm not sure why. I look after myself etc.
The beginning of the relationship was everything I ever wanted, felt right and I thought i'd finally found the one. I suddenly forgot about the length of time i'd waited, it felt like things were worth the wait.
Long story short, the nice, romantic, loving guy turned into the opposite and I eventually found out he'd met somebody else he preferred. It was heartbreaking. I went into a dark place. It felt like a massive loss after everything I'd felt and honestly, I don't believe i will ever really find that feeling again.
I dated a little before covid, but either I didn't like them or vice versa. Then in lockdown, I decided to just have a break and concentrate on myself, as self esteam was still in the gutter.
Lately, I have been thinking about OLD again. But when I come to download an app i'm terrified! I've become used to being on my own with no drama through lockdown. I also don't want to be so hurt again. Dating can be brutal.
But then I feel jealous of these pregnancy announcements! I don't feel happy for people, as bad as that sounds. I always wanted a family. My life has not turned out that way. And i'm still not ready to date again, maybe I never will be in the right headspace. I've never had great esteam as an adult due to the lack of love ive felt from people.
The past year and a half, I haven't been looking. So the saying '"It happens when you aren't looking" either feels like BS, or its something to do with me. I've had 3 different jobs since covid, and never met anybody there.
Has anybody got any advice or have been here and have any positive stories for me?