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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Draining saga

15 replies

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 20/06/2021 19:30

I left an emotionally and mentally abusive man a year ago. My kids and I went to a refuge briefly but returned to our home once he was gone
He has scheduled times to have the kids. He's always been up and down about sticking to it. I have already spoken to someone about steps to take now including mediation
Lately he's let them down a lot. He was supposed to have them sleep over on Friday but was prepping his excuse and saying he'd let me know on the day. This time it tipped me over and I said no they won't be left dangling and took it as a no. We went away overnight last night and came back at lunchtime, partly since it's Father's Day. He messaged a few days ago demanding to have them this morning then blocked me before I could reply. He unblocked me this morning.
I spoke to him offering him time with the kids this afternoon but he said he and his girlfriend weren't available Hmm he was furious as usual
At around 11 his brother sent me a text insulting me as a mother and threatening my boyfriend (I feel too old to say that but also want to add the children have known him as a family friend for a long time and are fine with him). The threat was 'you wait til I see bob'
He's not implying a chat, I know him.
I've tried to keep this short and to the point, I am trying to arrange to see a solicitor from tomorrow. What If anything should I do regarding his brother?

OP posts:
me4real · 20/06/2021 20:11

I would call the police. If nothing else, it's logged then and they might well speak to him and warn him off.

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 20/06/2021 20:14

I think that's what I'm asking. They are aware of when I left last year and this guy has been done for domestic violence himself. I think I'm just scared to take that step. Again

OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 20/06/2021 20:17

I dont understand...are they his kids?
I thought u just met him a year ago.
And if they aren't his kids, they shouldnt be anywhere near him.

Umberellatheweatha · 20/06/2021 20:18

*scratch that I dunno why I thought you said you MET him. It was you left him.

Umberellatheweatha · 20/06/2021 20:19

And definately call the police on the brother. He threatened you.

me4real · 20/06/2021 20:19

I definitely would @iamtheoneandonlyyy . x

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 20/06/2021 20:28

I want to I'm just finding it overwhelming it can't go on like this.
There's so much to all this but that message today just has done me. I'm exhausted of it all I've had enough

OP posts:
Tangledtresses · 20/06/2021 21:02

If they are not his children I would cut all contact. You owe him nothing

Tulipsandviolets · 21/06/2021 07:46

Report his threatening behaviour to the police

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 21/06/2021 09:08

I've got anxiety knots in my stomach thinking about doing it but I do believe I have the right to walk around without fear of a threatening message from someone. It wasn't directed at me but it made me feel shitty
He sent a message a while ago saying I should be ashamed to be a single mother on benefits (I had to leave my job to go to the refuge) calling me a liar and a weirdo. I blocked him straight away but yesterday he found a different route to send that nastiness.

OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 21/06/2021 09:50

It's harassment op and its illegal. People shouldnt be allowed to get away with abusing people like that. Let alone making them feel unsafe. Get police backing asap. Protect yourself.

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 22/06/2021 10:46

Just to update, I did it. Any further issues will be considered harassment

OP posts:
Therebythedoor · 24/06/2021 09:02

Good for you for acting quickly. You'd had enough and you took action - you faced your fears.

DinosaurDiana · 24/06/2021 09:04

Well done. Don’t let him bully you any more 💐

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 24/06/2021 11:59

Thankyou. It's been a year and it's getting worse again rather than better so it's time to try and fix it properly

OP posts:
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