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Original poster

Is this relationship even worth my time

13 replies

Helena1990x · 20/06/2021 16:26

So would like advise as my mind is all over the place and feel like i have no body to speak to who will understand me

But ive been married for 5 years have 3 littl ones. There my world.

Yesterday i had taken my kids to visit my family once i was back i was feeling extremely unwell, sneezing, coughing, cold all of it. Husband got back from work before us as we got in around 9pm.. I took kids to bed but they just lost there sleep and just weren't settling so i called my OH from upstairs saying if he can help or take them down for a 20 - 30 mins so they can tire themselves out. OH goes what u want me to come up and take them,bring them down yourself and after goes speak to you later man i cant be bothered

He knew i was so ill and just couldn't get myself up. Yet he didn't bother to even take them and was up till 1am on the phone, watching TV etc.

I felt so upset and hurt this morning because i feel like hes uncaring and I've also spoken to him before to be a bit attentive. As always shift the blame on me saying your always ill, i just wanted some time to myself, you need to go back to your family as u need help

Ive never asked for help and i do everything for my babies as i should
I just dont understand why he shifts everything on me and doesn't see how uncaring he can be.

This has made me question my future with him, what if im really ill one day will he even be there for me

What would you do.

OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 20/06/2021 16:38

Yanbu op he sounds like a total dick. 'You need help' is such a cruel thing to say.

You also say you do everything for your kids 'as I should' umm...no you shouldnt. You have a partner to do an equal share of that. But he doesnt?

You say he doesnt SEE how uncaring he can be. Of course he does. He knows he is being uncaring! He just doesn't care. So please dont get caught up in the madness of explaining to someone why their horrible behaviour is horrible. They will always pretend not to understand and accuse you of having issues.

What do you get from this relationship op? Because at best he is a nasty shit and at worse...abusive.

billy1966 · 20/06/2021 17:22

I would be reaching out for support from family and try and get away from that awful man.

Flowers
Original poster
Helena1990x · 20/06/2021 17:34

Thank you, just keep being told by him as to how im overreacting as I dont want to speak to him

OP posts:
SixesAndEights · 20/06/2021 17:40

Go back to your family, ditch this selfish arsehole.

category12 · 20/06/2021 17:47

What do you mean by you do everything for your babies as you should? Doesn't he do anything with the children?

Which century is he from?

what if im really ill one day will he even be there for me
There isn't any doubt what would happen - you know the answer. He'd give you stick for needing help and expect you to manage on your own. You know who he is.

Strugglingtodomybest · 20/06/2021 18:03

He sounds like an uncaring twat to me.

What would I do? I would sit down and talk to him about how I'm feeling and if it didn't seem to care then I would start thinking about how to leave him.

Opentooffers · 20/06/2021 20:02

A couple of statements stand out to me about the dynamic in this relationship being wrong.
" I do everything for my babies as I should" shows a wrong mindset you have. Your DH is their father and as such should also be actively looking after his children and doing things for them, so if you are doing everything, just what is he doing?
"They're my world". So are you also all consumed with your children to the extent that your DH is on the periphery and you are not doing things together as a team? This approach to parenthood is guaranteed to cause disconnection.
The other thing to consider is whether 3 children in 5 years was a conscious joint decision, or is there resentment there from either of you, it's a lot to take on in a relationship in a short space of time, it's bound to change things, it sounds like as much as you've emmersed yourself with the children, he's stood back and just let you get on with it all. This leaves no room for you both as a couple.
Somehow, you seem to have slipped into believing that separate roles are how it should go, when in reality, it's a route to separate lives and ultimately, total separation. To sand a chance, you need a serious discussion about changing the whole dynamics of the family.

billy1966 · 20/06/2021 22:18

Of course he won't be there for you.

He doesn't LIKE you, not to mind CARE for you.

That is clear.

Contact your family for support.
Flowers

Original poster
Helena1990x · 21/06/2021 00:21

I hope to today but all i feel is disappointment

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 21/06/2021 00:24

@Helena1990x

I hope to today but all i feel is disappointment
OP What do you want to do?
Naunet · 21/06/2021 12:02

Why on earth do you think men don’t have a duty to parent and care for their own children?

Original poster
Helena1990x · 21/06/2021 12:37

I never said they don't but its always been im here with the kids whilst he works.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helena1990x · 21/06/2021 12:40

I feel like because i dont discus my relationship i have never known what's right what's wrong

OP posts:
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