How do I tell my dp we need to talk?

[Mumalorian]

I've been feeling a bit crap since having ds2. I'm struggling mentally and I feel like I really need to let him know before it gets worse. There's also a number of other things I need to get off my chest but I don't know how to bring it up because I'm anxious of his reaction.

What are you worried he’ll do? Are you safe?

Is he the best person to talk to? Do you have anyone else you could talk to first?

Oh no I don't mean it in that way, he's never hurt me or anything,I'm safe. Its just the way I'm feeling.

He's honestly the only person I have. My dad is unwell and I don't have the best relationship with my mum and friends have all moved away.

I'd just sit down with him after the kids are in bed and chat to him. If he's a decent guy he'll be supportive. In fact, he's probably already aware that there's something going on so might be a relief to him when you open up

I did it this evening, Mumalorian, things I've been losing sleep over and didn't know how to get the words out. Someone mentioned a technique to me today of thinking what's the worst that can happen vs what's likely to happen? Prepared me for the worst while reassuring me that it was extremely unlikely. Anyway, long story short, it was fine. He gave me a hug and told me he loves me. I hope you find the words you want. Once they are out, it is rarely as bad as you fear.

It’s always tough having difficult conversations, but as PP says, kids in bed over a glass of wine, TV off phones away and just say what you need to say,
Try not to be blamey or judgemental, if needed maybe draw up a list of items you want to discuss.
Sit down, deep breath and just open up,
Tell him the things you want to talk about, then talk about them
His reaction will be reaction you can’t change that, but you can influence it by asking for support

Thanks for the advice, will need to attempt it tomorrow my ds1 is having a bad nightmare and has been up a good few times trying to settle him.

Can I ask is there a nice way of saying there's been a good few times I've wanted to walk out the door and not look back or no point in being that honest? I obviously wouldn't I love my dp and kids too much.

I'd also talk to your GP.

I agree , speak to Gp too

When you have the conversation I would steer it neutrally
Not ... YOU do this and I feel when YOU make me feel and I've felt like walking away from YOU

more a "I'm struggling with how we handle such and such - I'm not happy with how our life is going and our future , I wonder sometimes if we'd all be happier apart , would that be better for DC and ourselves in the future ? "

If you’ve been struggling with your mental health then it’s your GP you need to see. Your Dp can’t make that right. The GP can.

It sounds like potential PND so I'd say 100% speak to your GP, and don't put it off.

I'd then explain to your DP how much you love him but think you may have PND and it's making you feel xyz. Then it's much less likely to come across accusatory

@66babe

I agree , speak to Gp too

When you have the conversation I would steer it neutrally
Not ... YOU do this and I feel when YOU make me feel and I've felt like walking away from YOU

more a "I'm struggling with how we handle such and such - I'm not happy with how our life is going and our future , I wonder sometimes if we'd all be happier apart , would that be better for DC and ourselves in the future ? "

I definitely don't want to split up, sometimes I get overwhelmed and I wish I could just get a bit of space but that's just the way I'm feeling usually I feel a bit better within a few days.