Did I do the wrong thing and ruin our marriage?

[Daisy1980a]

My three-year-old son is on the pathway for diagnosis for ASD and to say it’s been a traumatic time over the last year is an understatement as we have had to battle to get any help and services or anyone to believe us and all without any family support.

We have also had to deal with other issues,like many others , during this Covid year like family deaths, illness, job loss and my dad has terminal cancer.

About five months ago I suspected our youngest son also has ASD. I have to admit I spiralled during this time, was put on antidepressants, had lots of therapy but also kept most of this from him as I didn’t want to make him worry during an incredibly stressful time when we were also trying to sell our house. It all came to a point yesterday when he asked why I was still constantly in tears and moody all the time so I told him my concerns. He looked visibly shocked, doesn’t believe it and started crying. I now feel awful as feel I have contributed to his worsening mental health but couldn’t keep it to myself anymore as it’s having such an effect on me. I am worried this will break us. It goes without saying that I love both my boys to death, and a second diagnosis wouldn’t change that, but admit I have been grieving what I thought would be a ‘typical’ relationship with my second child. How do we get through this and did I do the right thing?

Yes you did the right thing. It's not your job to shoulder your partners share of the burdens in life too.

Surely therapy should have encouraged you not to bottle things like this up. If your husband cannot deal with life pressures then he needs to seek out some therapy for himself.

At least now you know the process to get your second child the diagnosis and hopefully any help and support they will need. But you need work as a team with your partner. Not act like his mum too.

You will get through but it is undeniably shit. I have two children with asd and I remember the heartbreak when I realised that my youngest was also autistic. There really isn't a right or wrong thing to do here. I am guessing that his reaction shows that he probably has recognised some of the traits you have. It is though true that even if your second is on the spectrum, they won't necessarily be affected in the same way. My two children are very different. I do have a lovely relationship with my second even though it is far from typical. How you get through it is by living day to day, using what you have learnt with your first to help you raise your second and taking the anti depressants. I also found meeting up with other parents of children with asd helpful as it helped me feel less alone.

@Umberellatheweatha

Yes you did the right thing. It's not your job to shoulder your partners share of the burdens in life too.

Surely therapy should have encouraged you not to bottle things like this up. If your husband cannot deal with life pressures then he needs to seek out some therapy for himself.

At least now you know the process to get your second child the diagnosis and hopefully any help and support they will need. But you need work as a team with your partner. Not act like his mum too.

I may be wrong, however isn't the OP is talking about her father not her partner?

The title of the thread would seem to indicate it's her spouse rather than her parent.