Hi all
I’ve namechanged for this as I feel a bit of a fool. Having said that if she’s on here she’ll know exactly who I am, so goddess please let her not be.
Right, I’ll try and make sense, but I think it might end up a bit long, so please bear with.
MOved to new place last year during lockdown so have struggled to get out and meet people. There’s no local lesbian scene so I’ve literally only spoken on FB to three other lesbians since moving here.
I’m feeling lonely and vulnerable, which is clouding my judgement and making things harder, and I’ve been depressed for about 8 months so I have nothing left in the tank to cope with everyday ups and downs. I’m trying to get out and do new things and meet people, but as Ive said, it’s hard, and I have a severe disability that makes it harder.
So, I started talking to a local women on messenger. We met up and had an afternoon meal and things seemed to go quite well. She said she’s not ready for a relationship, which is fine, I’m not looking either. She was however quite flirty, which I did rather enjoy. She said we should meet up agains at some point which was great.
A few weeks went by and there was sporadic messenger contact. She didn’t seem bothered so I backed away for a couple of weeks, but then I messaged her again and she said it was her birthday and she was having a drink with mates at the weekend, would I like to come?
This was last weekend and I went along and, well, she got a bit pissed, although I don’t think that pissed. Again, she was very flirty, all over me and we ended up kissing and a bit more. She said, and it might have been the drink talking, ‘do you want to try a FWB thing?’ Yes I absolutely do so I said yes.
We finished the night and shared a taxi home. At this point she was still all over me, kept rubbing my leg and kissing me. We said good night then exchanged a quick message saying we’d really enjoyed the night etc.
Then I did a stupid thing. I asked her if she wanted to come round for a BBQ to mine the next day. She said she’d been out all day and had only just got back and I said, ‘ok, well I’m having a drink out the back, so if you want to join me you’re welcome to do so.’ She said she was tired, which is fair enough, I thought she would be.
Then I messaged in the week and just said ‘how’s things?’ then told her that I’d just got kicked out of the lesbian group where we saw each other because I’d objected to a male joining which had rather annoyed me. She didn’t respond.
Then yesterday evening I asked her what’s happening about a thing we’ve both, separately, got tickets for. She responded, then I just asked what she was up to. I didn’t do it in a demanding way, I just asked and said I was practicing a hobby then I’d got some beers in for the football. She again didn’t respond.
I know I’m overthinking this but have I been too much? Have I been demanding and put her off?
I do quite like her but like I said, I’m not looking for a relationship and she has made it clear she isn’t. I would like the FWB thing if she’s up for it however.
So MN women, talk some bloody sense into me will ya. Am I being a creepy stalkery nightmare or is she just blowing hot and cold?
I have unfollowed her on FB and archived the chat so it doesn’t pop up when I open messenger and I’m going to back right off and see what happens. I would like to see her again, as friends or FWB but I don’t want to push it.
Now I’ve written it all down, sorry it’s so long, It all looks rather trifling. I lack confidence and I’m in a bit of a bad place so as I said, my judgement is shot. Have I made a total twat of myself or what?