What to do. Stuck.

[bigjbigj]

I'm with this guy. It's only been just over a month but we definitely rushed things, he's been staying with me and seeing eachother a lot. He lives a few hours away so it's easier to stay. He's amazing, patient, kind, caring everything you want. And amazing with my little girl. I just feel "off". No other way to describe it. I just can't get it out my head. I've never rlly left much space between relationships( obviously kept my little girl out of them before). I don't know if it's coz I'm not ready or just have a lot going on rn.. trying to focus on my health- and a lot going on with my little girl. The point of this was to just find out if anyone has been in a relationship like this and what they did.

In the kindest way, OP, you sound very young.

It doesn't matter if you've known this person for 50 years, you're getting to know them in a completely different way and you've let all your barriers down without thought. No wonder your head is screaming STOP at you.

Youre not stuck, but you do have an awkward conversation coming up.

maybe "look, this is really awkward, but we need to talk..... I really like you, and theres lots of good things about you and weve had some good times, but im feeling really rushed and like this is too much too soon, and I want to go back to dating and having more space between us"

@JustGiveMeGin
Tomorrow. This is the first time he's stayed for a week. He's usually up every weekend. He lives with his parents still.

[quote bigjbigj]@JustGiveMeGin
Tomorrow. This is the first time he's stayed for a week. He's usually up every weekend. He lives with his parents still. [/quote]
Good god say no more.
Has he done his own washing whilst with you?
Has he cooked for you at all?
He'll be sizing you up to be mummy number 2.

[quote bigjbigj]@Littlefluffyclouds13 I don't agree with the jokes. But I also don't agree I'm treating my daughter appallingly. I know him. It's just the relationship side I needed advice on. [/quote]
You are not directly treating her appalling, but you are not showing her much consideration. This is her home and you have brought somebody else into it and she doesn’t get a say. And if this one doesn’t work out, will the next be the same and she has a childhood of this?

@bigjbigj so again, what exactly are you stuck with?

It's good that he has not moved in permanently with you, keep it that way, tell him you want him to stay one night a week every other weekend, his reaction will tell you everything.

Omg wtf????? Your home? With your baby daughter?

What youvegottenminuteslynn said.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Maybe you feel off about the kind of guy who would spend so much time including frequent overnights, with a woman and her young daughter just a month after starting a romantic relationship.

You and he have both either ignored healthy relationship boundaries or do not have healthy relationship boundaries. On some level, as evidenced by you saying 'we definitely rushed things', you already know you're right to have an 'off' feeling. Because the relationship has started from an 'off' and poor boundaries place.

The reason we are always advised to get to know one another at a sensible pace is so you can do just that - get to know one another. You say you've known him years. That isn't anywhere close enough to a good reason for having him spend frequent overnights in your home or be spending with your daughter just one month into a romantic relationship.

You know him already you say - presumably a family friend / colleague? But you haven't known him as a boyfriend until 60 days or so ago. So you don't know what he'll be like in that role. And you have a child. Yet you're moving this quickly.

You both moved way too fast and are probably just noticing all the things that would have put you off each other in the long term anyway. Creating an 'off' feeling.

Letting him be around the home, meet your daughter including him staying over night, after 60 days, isn't just silly... it's irresponsible and quite selfish tbh.

Just realised it's 30 days not even 60 days. Blimey.

OP does this all make sense to you? Are you going to act on the 'off' feeling you have and step back / slow things right back down to just some dating at a sensible pace that doesn't involve him spending time with your daughter?

Hope you're ok op and haven't had trouble getting him to leave.

@Umberellatheweatha
@youvegottenminuteslynn

I've decided to break it off, in the best interest of myself but most importantly my daughter. Take some time to myself. He took it very well. Left today.

Good on you op. Always wise to trust your gut!

And remember, nobody loves you more than a man who needs somewhere to live