Anyone else just s**t at being in a relationship?

[Letdown16]

I’m terrible at it. My marriage was a disaster. I’ve been with someone now for 9 months and he is completely emotionally challenged.

I have lots to things I wanna say, perhaps I’m just a bit soppy. I’m very touchy and love cuddles and all that which is a miracle given I was abused for so long.

I don’t know how to read things and often get it wrong but then it’s hard when you get nothing from the other side. I need a bit of reassurance now and again given my past.

I am finding it all a challenge and it doesn’t make me feel good, too many emotions. I don’t actually know what to do or how to behave.

@Letdown16 I am similar. I have therapy but it’s still hard. Sorry you were abused.

I guess the only tip I have is taking each day as it comes and trying to stay calm. It’s difficult but is easier than thinking about a full on relationship stretching out from that day. Not sure if that makes sense.

I think I should just be alone. I really am very fond of my boyfriend but I can’t deal with all the emotions it brings. My brain is damaged I think and I can’t process in a normal way, I become overwhelmed.

@Letdown16 how long have you been together? Has something in particular happened recently? Try to take some time today and don’t make any big decisions. You are worthy of a relationship and being loved.

I’ve been in child court this week and its Father’s Day tomo and I lost my dad 3 years ago right before I have a breakdown and walked out of my marriage.

My boyfriend has been working 6 days a week lately and I kind of need him around a little for support. That isn’t what he is for though is it. I am overwhelmed. I have complex-ptsd and struggle to process my emotions.

@Letdown16 that sounds really hard what are you doing today? Can you take any time for yourself?

No I’m having my vaccine today and have children 100% of the time. Maybe this evening but then all I will do is ruminate on my thoughts which I’m unable to process.

Maybe your partners are the ones who are not good in relationships, maybe its not you

No I definitely have issues especially around rejection, I feel so easily rejected but I know it’s my problem. I think I should just be single instead of getting in relationships and they just not doing it for me.

He sounds like he's just stressing you out OP. What do you mean by 'emotionally challenged'? I can relate to having difficulties in relationships, I get a lot of relationship anxiety mainly when it comes to men who are uncaring, not thoughtful, or selfish. I guess it relates to the relationships within my family. I also have a massive fear of committment now down to stuff which has happened in past relationships and probably down to my parent's relationship too. I don't have any positive male influences in my life.

I've figured I need therapy (which probably won't work) or that I just haven't met the right guy yet. I'm not sure which path to go down or to keep trying. The upshot is that I feel more secure being single and independent.

Maybe just take some time out and be single for a while, see how you feel. There's no shame in being single and I can guarantee it will cut the anxiety you are feeling right now.

I'm not sure what the answer is but just offering a handhold

Thanks @wobblywinelover sometimes it’s nice to know your not alone.

He isn’t good at all at sharing emotions, I have absolutely no idea how he feels and when I ask he just says I dunno. So in turn I make stuff up as I don’t have an answer.

I find a load of men like that tbh, almost a total waste of time as far as i'm concerned. They seem to just be life's eternal takers. Happy to get sex off you, happy to get emotional support when they need it, useless for anything else. Sorry this is a negative post but this is my reality. I don't need the stress of anyone else right now and you're definitely not alone x

You do have the choice to not be with him. Instead of being with someone who doesn't fulfil you. And you could try therapy to help you work through your emotions. There isn't anything wrong with him for not expressing emotions how you want him to, he's just not compatible with you. Don't waste his time or yours - focus on fixing yourself and then a healthy relationship will follow.

Also no answer is an answer. And if he's telling you he doesn't know how he feels about you - take him at his word. And find someone who does know and who can express this to you.

You sound like you need someone who can communicate and be reassuring in a relationship and that is totally acceptable and normal.

I'm wondering whether I'm best off single too as I can't seem to find happiness. Currently dating at the mo and I feel it's going pear shaped due to my huge sensitivities and insecurities from a past failed relationship. I need reassurance but I don't get it from him.

I do like him a lot and he does a lot of nice things for me and that is how I guess he expresses his love. The problem is mine and it stems back from my childhood. I do not like feeling like this.