Am I jaded?

[GymQ123]

After one bad date to the next, and a string of unsuccessful relationships, how do I remain optimistic and open when looking for love? I want to settle down with someone and start a family. But I’m starting to think perhaps it’s all too idealistic what I’m hoping for.

After all, half of marriages end in divorce. Many couples are unhappy. No relationship is perfect. You have to compromise. And work at it. Honeymoon wears off after a short while. Etc etc.

It had been my dream in the past few years to meet a man, have a romance with, settle down and start a family and build an exciting shared life together. I thought with the right man, and the right relationship, it would be easy, not hard work etc. Above all I wanted a supportive and loving partner.

Now I’m starting to think this is quite a dream in the literal sense. Or am I jaded?

Jaded

My advice as someone who made a mistake but is now happy is not to expect too much and not to look too hard. Just enjoy your life and I am sure the right person for you will come along.

Looks do not mean a thing.

@GymQ123 I feel exactly the same as you OP! I’ve just split with someone who I thought was ‘the one’ when actually I don’t think I knew him all that well at all and all I’ve achieved is wasting 2.5 years of my life! I’m taking some well earned time off dating to change my attitude towards dating, and lose this extra stone!

PP raised a few good points as well!

I don’t think you are jaded.

Everything you listed are true, facts.
How could it be jaded, more like realistic.

There is this pressure that women must think men/relationships are all wonderful and meaning to life, otherwise you are an old, mean, bitter harpy.

I would say get yourself financially set so that you can have a family, but without a permanent man if necessary.
I am married but not happy, and I’d never get married again.

For me, I looked at the men I was dating and why, from my perspective, it didn't work out. A found a particular type of man I was going for always ended up being a mistake, so I avoided and tried dating people I wouldn't normally - some were awful, a couple led to long term relationships but ended for various reasons. I also reflected on my own behaviour to see how I may have contributed to the demise of a relationship and took those lessons with me to my new relationship. It's worth noting that society has hammered into us women that our goals in life are to meet a man, marry, have babies and live happily ever after - life very rarely works out this way and I'd suggest that you look at what you really do want in life, be it progress in your career or find a new one, travel, learn a language etc. Ask yourself what makes you happy. There's obviously no issue if you do just want to settle down and have kids but even if/when you do find the right person, it will always take work - life isn't smooth sailing forever. I've been with my partner for around 4 years, have a DD and due to get married fairly soon. I love him dearly but the relationship takes work on both sides to keep it going - mental health issues have cropped up, having a child is a real test on a relationship as well as job problems etc.