How do you separate?

[Lasciachiopianga]

How do you do separate? Everything is ‘ours’. Our house is so full of our stuff I have no idea how we’d share it. Our finances are joint. Our children have no idea that this may happen.

I had a good job, prior to children. I’ve been part time self employed, just school hours for 10+ years now. I’ve been out of the job market so long, I’d not even get an admin role as I’m massively a overqualified and under experienced.

My husband and I earn enough between us for us to be comfortable as a joint household, but it would be a sharp shock if we had to support two households.

One child has sen, if that makes any difference, and part of the reason for separating is that dh will not/can not adapt his parenting skills to accommodate child’s sen.

But our lives are so entwined - how is it possible to separate out all of the ‘stuff’ that is accumulated - both physically and emotionally - during a long marriage?

It is doable, people do,it every day. There will be something that’s obvious, start with that, then work your way through children, finances, work etc. It’s complicated but doable.

Finances: startpoint is 50:50 split of what you own (house equity, pensions, savings, cars etc) which you negotiate round. Incomes are separate but it sounds as though they will spend more time with you so go onto CMS website to check maintenance. Universal credit to see what benefits you might be due. And you are employable, I assure you.

Stuff - well, you’ll sort that out between you, I promise you.

If you have made the decision you need to separate then start looking at facts and solutions. They will come.your lifestyle will take a dip but you and the kids and he may ultimately be much happier.

Bump
I'm in the same predicament

I separated 3 weeks ago and I'm in the same predicament as you op. I'm self employed but I don't earn enough to pay bills and the mortgage so I've been applying for jobs. I've only had one interview and nobody seems to get back to you nowadays. I have no idea how I'm going to cope financially. Exh is paying the bills for now, while he lives rent free at his mums but I don't expect that to last for long. I'm doing the majority of school drop offs and pick ups at the moment as I haven't got a job yet.