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Original poster

Huge crush on my DDs female teacher?! Please help

43 replies

EnchantedRoses · 18/06/2021 18:49

Hi all. So recently, probably in the last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about my DDs female teacher at school whom I have regular contact with via email. I am a married (what I thought to be heterosexual) woman in my 30s with 3 children.. DDs teacher is probably 20+ years older than me and before a few weeks ago, my husband was doing most of the school runs. I suffer with anxiety and we have a child under one year, and he works school hours so it just works for us. I did the school run a few weeks ago and DDs teacher stroked my arm and said it was so good to see me, after contact via email only for a while. The emails are pretty much all about DD but there are hints of flirtation in them (I think?) I noticed she doesn't wear a wedding band which could mean nothing but then I feel so guilty and ashamed for even checking. I can't help but notice her and feel like I want to be around her, and truth be told I don't know the first thing about her as a person. What is happening!? I've decided I'm going to stop doing the school run and hope that avoiding seeing her will take the edge off how I feel but the days I don't get an email feel so empty. It's insane and I am beating myself up so much about it. She is living in my head rent free, all the time! The few times I've picked up DD over the last few weeks, she's come over and stroked my arm asking how I am and assuring me that DD had a good day at school. She also compliments me on what I'm wearing or how nice I look sometimes. And a few things shes said in emails makes me think maybe I'm not going crazy? Such as "I was really happy to see you" and "see you soon, I hope." Please just put my mind at rest, tell me to stop being so damn stupid and childish and get a grip. Or tell me I'm not going mad and the signs are there.. not that I'll pursue it if they are because I've been with my husband for 14 years, we have 3 children together and I wouldn't throw all of it down the drain for the sake of being curious. Will this go away? I feel actual physical pain from the fact in a months time she will no longer we DDs teacher and I'll probably never see her or hear from her. :( any advice is so welcome, just please be kind. I know it all sounds ridiculous and childish but I'm really going through it here and feel like I'm losing it. X

OP posts:
nolovelost · 18/06/2021 19:06

From what you've said, she just sounds friendly. How many emails are you talking?

BeanyBops · 18/06/2021 19:12

Sounds like a pretty intense crush! Which is fine. It does seem like she might be flirting with you though, which I guess will just be fuelling your feelings. If you really are certain you don't want to change anything about your life and you don't want to pursue this, then just let it go. It will be good when she's not your daughter's teacher. You'll be sad for a bit but like all crushes time will pass and you'll get over it.

Is everything else ok in your life? Maybe this is a bit of escapism?

Villanelle · 18/06/2021 19:13

I think you are infatuated and imagining things that aren't there.

Original poster
EnchantedRoses · 18/06/2021 19:17

@nolovelost

From what you've said, she just sounds friendly. How many emails are you talking?
Really not that many. Probably between 5 and 10 a week? Some weeks nothing at all. I think you're right and I've just lost the plot tbh
OP posts:
Original poster
EnchantedRoses · 18/06/2021 19:18

Yeah, I think I just needed to be told that. I feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
EnchantedRoses · 18/06/2021 19:20

Myself and my husband have a very up and down relationship and he is very much all about the sex and not the emotional support. Maybe it's that. The fact that she is supportive in that way and shows more affection than he does I guess. I've spoken to my husband about my need for this but he says he struggles with that. :/ I feel so stupid about it.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 18/06/2021 19:22

Don't feel like an idiot. I think stroking your arm and saying she hopes to see you soon is a bit much for a teacher.

Focus on your marriage and work out what is missing there for you to be feeling like this.

You're not an idiot.

Tombstone81 · 18/06/2021 19:27

I think you may be mistaking kindness for flirting. If she knows you struggle, she may just be a nice person and reaching out to you. That is a lot of emails a week about your child.

SunshineCake · 18/06/2021 19:28

Cross post. Then it is time your husband listened as you're aren't asking for anything unreasonable.

ticktockriojaoclock · 18/06/2021 19:32

Sounds like she's being incredibly unprofessional if it's as you say. And you've got a daft crush. Sounds like it'll be easy enough for you to avoid her though, so do that.

Wanttomakeachange · 18/06/2021 19:32

There was a post very similar to this a couple of years ago.

SunshineCake · 18/06/2021 19:33

@Wanttomakeachange

There was a post very similar to this a couple of years ago.
And?
ticktockriojaoclock · 18/06/2021 19:36

There was a post very similar to this a couple of years ago

There totally was! I knew it sounded familiar! What a coincidence, eh?Grin

Onelifeonly · 18/06/2021 19:39

If she is flirting, she's acting unprofessionally with a pupil's parent, so I wouldn't think too highly of her. Possibly she's just a touchy feely type and senses you need a bit of support, presumably because there are issues with your child given the number of emails?

It's a deflection anyway, from your issue concerning your husband's emotional distance. That's what you need to address. As you say, you don't really know this woman, except as your child's teacher, so your feelings have no basis in reality.

TaraR2020 · 18/06/2021 19:43

This does read almost identically to a thread from 2019 that was revived a few days ago... Hmm

Op, (assuming genuine), I'm not sure what the answer is to your predicament but I hope you come to a resolution soon. I agree with others that you ought to focus on your marriage, work out whether you want to work on your marriage or not. Best of luck.

Mumtwoboys90 · 18/06/2021 19:44

i cannot imagine a teacher stroking a parents arm Confused this all sounds a bit off 10 emails a week?!

newbrother · 18/06/2021 19:46

Hang on, you've copied and pasted from someone else's post, from literally three months ago. The OP has since recently updated. Why would you even do that? Confused

ShrikeAttack · 18/06/2021 19:47

Yes! I read the first few lines and thought it sounded very familiar. Older teacher, very touchy-feely. Hmm.

NakedNugget · 18/06/2021 19:48

@newbrother

Hang on, you've copied and pasted from someone else's post, from literally three months ago. The OP has since recently updated. Why would you even do that? Confused
Can you link the other thread
newbrother · 18/06/2021 19:49

@NakedNugget trying to find it now, the original OP updated two days ago

NakedAttraction · 18/06/2021 19:53

I did think it was a bit odd a teacher was being tactile with the covid around…

notgoodenoug · 18/06/2021 19:57

Why so many emails op? I'v 2 in school and haven't had to email at all.

Ninkanink · 18/06/2021 19:58

I’m trying hard not to be cynical right now...

Nah, actually not trying at all, tbh.

HonestlyFuckThis · 18/06/2021 19:59

I swear this exact thread happened on here before. OP ended up leaving her husband and hooking up with the teacher in that one.